Greatest Game Ever Played
by LEATHERnGOLD
Summary: Read only if you have a good sense of humor. Of course goofy ass Mitchie Torres would pick the goddess Alex Russo to fall in love with. Do not read if you find anything wrong w/friendly Bieber/Jonas bashing Alex/Mitchie Selena/Demi Demena Mikayla/Sonny
1. Chapter 1

(Mitchie's POV)

Senior year... awesome right?...no. try being the new kid your senior year...my dad just got this new job in LA so here I am...UGH good job dad for being good at your job & getting promoted here... douche. I hate the feeling of being away from our place in New York for this artificial town...now I have to make new friends who I more than likely won't keep in touch with half of after this year because let's keep it real...who really stays friends with everyone they knew in high school after u cross that stage...holy fuck what if I don't make friends at all, OMG what if I become THAT girl, bitch fuck what if I become that loser loner lesbo, maybe, parading a rainbow patch on my backpack wasn't the best idea... I can just remove it... O shit no!... this shit's glued on and sewed...mutherfucker! Its ok its cool, I'll just yell at Caitlyn later, sure when I ask her to hand me the remote she's too lazy to hand it but this she fucking has time to glue & sew... What a prick fuck! Whatever this is LA right? Everyone here practically shits rainbows. Actually they should change their I.D's to have that little sticker that says donor/non donor to homo or hetero... Anyway I'm going too much into this useless banter... I at least did meet some people these 3 guys... I'd prefer meeting girls instead but hey, maybe they have good looking lady friends, I mean they're good looking guys if I was into sticks and balls, hey maybe that's why I suck at baseball... Hmmm... Anyway they told me to meet them at their locker ... Omg I hope it's not one of those let's shove the new girl into the locker type of thing, because if so... I WILL SO... Yup got nothing, I'd probably take it & claw at the locker like a little puppy at the pet store window... O i spotted them!

Thank god I'm not in a locker these guys are pretty cool. Man everyone here looks like they just stepped out of a magazine. Shit good thing I fixed that gap a while back, o sure Madonna makes it look cool, but really who would really go up to Madonna and say "hey bitch fix that gap before I kick a football thru it". Yeah not likely... Right now Shane Nate & Troy are talking about something about a party, but I totally zoned out when I looked straight ahead and saw her. The most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on she had wavy dark hair that rested just below her shoulder porcelain soft skin almost milky and those eyes they were almond shaped, deep & captivating. She wasn't just fuckable hot she was like I'd rob Justin Bieber's rich ass and buy her the most expensive diamond and get down on one knee & propose. She was standing talking 2 a few other girls & laughing, then she took a sip of her water bottle...I shouldn't be this turned on watching someone do something as ordinary as drink water but GOD DAMN was she hot doing it! Seriously where was Smart Water because that's how u sell water!... Then she licked her lips & smiled at something her friend said & o god that smile, is this right? I could literally feel my heart sink & was now resting in my stomach creating this flutter of things 2 happen... Holy fuck forget about the fact you're probably showing signs of being wet thru your skinnies she's walking with her friends towards us. Shit, shit, shit, ok play it cool, why they fuck can't I look away! OMG she's smiling at me O MY FUCK she's reaching out her hand & she's reaching towards me OMG she's putting the bottom of her fingertips on my chin! Fuck, I have an asschin... Wait why's she lifting it up? Bastard cunt my mouth was open, I didn't even realize my jaw was open that wide & that's when she spoke "take a picture sweetie it'll last longer" I finally got my thoughts together & muttered the most incoherent phrase ever "huh?...whaa?" I. am. an idiot... She probably thinks I take the yellow bus to school now. She just smiled & looked at the rest of my friends & said "hey boys so party tonight?" To which Troy put his arm around her & flashed his stupid perfect smile at her & said "you betcha my place 9 o'clock don't be late" "alright don't finish all the good stuff before I get there" then she winked & walked away & I felt so stupid for not saying anything more, OOO but her walking away doesn't sound so bad b/c now I get a view of that sweet ass & while I was perving at her she quickly turned around with a smirk on her face & said "o & new girl" I guess she means me, I'm new & I'm a girl "like I said a picture will last longer" She then turned back around & started walking off again...man how did she know I was staring still?... My thoughts were cut short when I heard the guys laughing then Troy decides he can hold in his laughter long enough to say "Ha Ha, well I guess u met Alex"  
"Huh? What?" From what I'm aware of I've only met him Shane & Nate unless OMG do they have a midget friend I'm not seeing, I love little nuggets, I quickly look down & do a 360 but spot no one  
"dude Alex the girl you were just staring at! That's Alex. As in the Alex Russo" What the fuck is Shane talking about? I wasn't staring, ok, nope I'm caught, can't deny it, I wouldn't have but, nope got no buts actually, but she had a nice one

"Dude what the fuck are you thinking about?" Dammit Nate you just interrupted my butt dreams!.

"O Alex, she's uhh she's" omg someone help me out...

"Yeah man we know, totally hott, drop dead gorgeous all around cool chick... yeah we know" thank god Shane can't shut up!

"So does she, is she..." Fuck I have serious issues with making full sentences. Apparently.

"Have a boyfriend or girlfriend? No man, Alex isn't that type of girl..." What the fuck does Troy mean by that OMG she's an animal fucker...

"Huh?" Yep sentences aren't my friend

"let's just put it like this, many have tried & none have succeeded" damn Troy what is this the sword in the stone tale?

"Every guy & some girls have been trying 2 get at her since she moved here like a year & a half ago" so does that mean Shane has to?

"Yeah man, see Alex is the chick every guy or dyke bitch, such as yourself..." Aww thanks Troy for putting lesbian in such a nice way. Dick. "... is dying to date cuz yeah let's face it, she's fucken hot, has a killer body, sweet smile, all that bullshit & you would think total bitch right? Wrong! Dude she's got a personality too! She's a down 2 earth cool ass chick" hmm looks like this hottie is straight out of a dream, shit I can't wait to go to sleep now! O man she's what dreams are made of ... Wtf isn't that from Lizzie McGuire... This is why I'm single, I reference Lizzie McGuire songs when talking about a hot girl anyway my brain battle is interrupted by Troy

"basically any dudes or for curved girls... Alex Russo equals perfect girl...she's hot without trying, but when she tries..."

"Let's just say make sure you're wearing jeans when u see it ahahaha" Shane's an idiot, what does jeans have to... OOO ok I get it...

"but yeah, like we were saying, she also has a rep for passing thru guys, girls, whatever like we're fucken diapers, once she's done with you & needs a change, it's on to the next sucker, while the last guy/girl is still desperately trying to get her back" did Nate just say 'we're'... As in he's part of that list, o hell no! Velcro head is going...

"Yeah, & I know what you're thinking..." O really Troy, what am I thinking?... "slut right?..." Completely off. Don't you ever talk about my girl that way again... "...well she's not"

"unless when she wants to be ahahaha" I'll say it again Shane's an idiot.

"So just a warning dude" what, is Nate an anti-cigarette ad now?  
"don't fall too hard bro cuz you'll just hit the floor messed up if Alex Russo Is the one you're waiting on to catch you"

"But I don't get it, if all these people like her why isn't she in a relationship? I mean come on there has to be one?" Yes. Complete sentence, actually 2. Fuck yes! I'm on a roll!

"dude it's like an unsolved mystery..." Troy really loves the word dude "...it's like she just loves the thrill of the chase, but doesn't like once it's over & you're just cruising, whatever, dude it's cool trust me it's a normal reaction to anyone who's ever met Alex Russo. Trust us we've all been there. Come on dude were gonna be late for class"

Dammit class. Great. First day...found the hottest girl...realized I have no chance... & now I gotta go to class...

"o & Mitchie babe..." Did Shane really just call me Mitchie babe? Hmm I wonder if he'll like my nicknames for him...as soon as I think of one... "... try to pull yourself together before lunch!"

"lunch... Huh... why?" And were back to grade school

"o did we forget to mention Alex & her friends sit with us at lunch"

"Yeah maybe this time you can actually say something, I don't know like what your name is aahahhaaha" Fuck you Shane I'm pretty sure I can do an introduction like it's so hard to say "I'm ... Fuck... I'm Mi-Mitchie" that's right... Seriously how'd I graduate grade school?


	2. Lunch is the best period

**A/N: Just so you guys are aware I wrote this outerspacin into the stoneage, if you think hard you'll know what I'm talking about, that or you've seen my twitter. Which I won't post on here, only because it's mature audiences only… just kidding, no I'm kidding, yeah, no… wait… what? See what I did there, I confused you guys into not remembering what I just said, until now! Wait this is a author's note right? Ive just turned into into an author's bullshit… wait how did we get here?... whatever here's some spanx i mean thanx whichever you guys prefer…**

**LenoraWinsdale: **Listen here cum dumpster I can't help it that she speaks like she's from Cali, I'm from Cali… it's how I know how to talk! This is the reason you're not getting jackrabbited!Expect a Cali slap when I see your face soon. Nakedness will happen at some point just wait you horny turd juggler!

**Full360-2b-me:** Thanks girl! You fucking rock, we'll have that tequila party soon Cazadores all around! CHEERS!

**: **I believe you now owe me an update! I'd say this was fast enough, & if it wasn't gimme a break half the week I was too fucked up to even remember my name and who I belong to. It's cool I say dude all the fucking time, dude. Blame the cunt breathin author 2 up from u. She gets on me about it.

**Greatpretender27:** Trust me I'm not that hilarious. I'm super fucktarded! I'm glad you like the story tho.

**RiddleMeThisBatman: **awww that's sweet. Thanx hunn. Yeah I blurt out random shit like animal fucker all the time. I told this girl who liked me a lot but had a boyfriend that she was trisexual and she said "what you mean like I fuck animals?" and I said "No, trisexual meaning you're willing to try anything sexual, duh" … my arm was red.

**143: **I lalalove you. (Blame Ray J for that response to your name)

**Tatimac:** Thanx love. Mitchie does suck at talking. Don't worry Alex is a player with a heart. At least I think so.

**Camihere:** Awww babe! You little jizz monster I love you too! Duh, thanx you know you always put a smile on my face! UGH, when did our relationship become so corny? Ahahaha j/k babe u know I love all the little sweet things u say that's why you needa come here so we can get to baby making! Remember tho you're gonna be the money maker not me! Love YOU fucktard!

(Mitchie's POV)

Omg I'm having lunch with her!... god why am I acting like this, I'm never THIS nervous, I feel like my stomach is doing flips at the thought of her. What's gonna happen when I'm actually face 2 face with her I can just picture it now, "hey so I'm uhhh" bbbllaaahhhh & I vomit all over her n embarrass myself n she never talks to me again. I'll be THAT girl rainbow patch wearing lesbi-dyke who likes to vomit on Webster's definition of perfect. Fuck! Why the fuck am I like this? It's just one girl, I've had girlfriends before & hell I barely know this girl...no fucken way am I gonna believe that bullshit of love first sight that's all just some cliché crap right?...I mean is it possible 2 feel this way about a girl you just met and especially what Shane Nate & Troy said about her, is that right? how? I mean why was she like that? if she is perfect how can she not have a boyfriend?or girlfriend?... Omg she's probably like Megan Fox in Jennifer's body...O MY FUCK maybe she's this crazy possessed killer...this thinking is seriously bugging the m&m's outta me. I can't let myself fall for her trap she's that girl, the girl in the movies who's so painfully hot & perfect that no one ever stood a chance & who am I dumbass Mitchie Torres a stupid lesbi-dyke with a c-average at best with a fucken asschin & thinks black is always the way to go, ooo but I do know how to play the guitar & sing a little, but let's face it I'm not the next fucken Taylor Swift or anything. Fuck that bitch can fuckin sing the alphabets on her cd & it will still sell millions! & her best friend is Selena Gomez! I bet they fuck. I wonder if they cum glitter & sequins... I love them, but must I be blinded every time I try to watch those whores perform the light bouncing off their glitter & sequins distracts me when I'm just trying to stare at their tig ol bitties... Anyway...o & I have diabetes... Great... I've never even gone out with this girl yet or been dumped by her yet & she already has me feeling like shit...what a cumbucket. Holy turd monkey what the fuck is that ringing?.. MUTHERFUCKER that's the bell, SHIT, this is what I was fearing I get outta class & walk over 2 meet the boys. We walk into the cafeteria & go into the lunch line, oooo tater tots... Tater tots are fucken heaven... Then just as I'm in ecstasy devouring my precious tots I see her approaching & suddenly I feel my stomach twisting again, o this is gonna be a tater mess... I give her the best smile I can come up with, fuck! Why do I look like I'm half pass constipated & sweating isn't helping me look like I'm not in desperate need of a toilet... O god she smiles back...shit did she have to smile... 

"Hey guys" so I'm a guy to her...

"by the way girls this is Mitchie, she's new, Mitchie that's Taylor, Gabby, Debby & you've met Alex earlier well kind of..." Thanks for reminding everyone about that moment Troy. Prick fuck...

"Hey nice to meet you, so where you from?" Hmm Taylor seems nice, she's hot but doesn't scream 'I'm-way-out-of-your-league-dyke'

"Uhm... New York" why the fuck did I sound unsure. God I'm a douche

"Ouch... So Michelle" ooo Alex is talking to me... Yeah baby

"actually most people just call me Mitchie" you idiot, why are you correcting her! If she wants to call you cumstain, you take it...

"so Michelle any tattoos, piercings, drug abuse?"

"No, none..."

"that's too bad" wait I thought that was good... Bitch!

"Huh..." Yep. I hate public school

"well lemme put it like this, you have the face of an angel..." Aww I do, what kind of fucked up angels is she thinking of? " .. it's too bad you play the part too...I see it as people that look like you are either true goody goodies what mommy says goes... or you have these guys..." She holds her arm up towards the group who are grinning like little innocent idiots "...the people who look like angels but inside are wild child devils who happen to have a disguise, you however are exactly how u look where's the mystery?"

" uhhh...uhm..." Seriously what's wrong with talking?... I probably look like a big fucktard to her

"o don't worry Mitchie, Alex is just messing with you" dammit Taylor now you have my mind racing of Alex messing with me...sexually, fuck!

"she always did have her way with words" dammit Troy, why must someone always interrupt my daydreams...

"confuses the hell outta me like 80% of the time" that's b/c Shane ...

"yeah relax I promise I don't bite unless you're into that" & with that she slips her fork onto my plate n takes a bite, winks & smirks... O MY FUCK, I'm gonna need to start wearing depends around this girl!

"aww come on Lex give her a break she's not use to someone like u yet" o I like the yet part... O my hopes are running wild... Who the fuck is this guy coming over? O Alex knows him...

"yes Riley?"

"Alex come on give me another chance, I don't know what I did wrong please come on I love you" o hell to the no! Take a hike Abercrombie & Bitch boy!

"You know love is a strong word Riley..." Yes she shows no interest... Man she's cold she hasn't even looked at this poor douche... She somehow finds poking her food more interesting...

"I know, but Alex please tell me what I did..." You were born...

"you didn't do anything wrong, you're a great guy, don't beat yourself up hun, you're great, I just got bored, sorry sweetie" well at least she dumps them nice...

"but Alex I'll be less boring ill..." Fuck give it up you're like a rerun 90210... Seriously those were some fucked up teens...

"No! Don't ever change, not for me, not for anyone you're a great guy just not my guy"

"but..." How 'bout you take your butt outta here...

"no buts...you'll find someone"

"but Alex, I want you!" Hey get in line assfuck!

"want & need are 2 different things Riley, want is something you desire, need is something that's a necessity, trust me Riley you'll find someone you need not just want, so just leave" OOOO schooled! Super owned! He can't even reply he just walks off with his head down... Shit that's enough to take the blade & turn it from horizontal to vertical...  
"ANNNDDD another victim 2 the list"

"o shut up Shane so party tonight right?"

"u got it" Nate. Remove your arm from my girl!

"I can't wait, girls usual routine?" ooo what's their usual routine...o my fuck I bet they totally have an orgy before... Where do I sign up?

"of course"

"great girls you ready?" Ooo ready for what?

"yup" o shit they meant ready to leave fuck again I made no kind of impression on Alex. Son of a Pimp I'm a jackass...

"kay, alright my handsome lil angel face boys we'll see u tonight & Michelle, eat your fruit they're good for you, nice necklace by the way" o fuck did she just smile & wink at me?... Wait my necklace... O shit my diabetes necklace... Does that mean she was checking me out?... O she's good... ... Fuck yes I'll eat my fruit...

"& that's Alex Russo what's up man, you ok?"

"yeah we warned u she's..."

"perfect." At this I'm just grinning like an idiot! She's perfect...


	3. PARTY PARTY PARTY LETS ALL GET WASTED!

**A/N: If you were a chef at a 5 star restaurant and you want to host a Christmas party for the old gang why the fuck would you make it a potluck? My 2 best friends since we were 6-7 we're arguing because I said a potluck is stupid because us 3 grew up, one is a chef at a 5 star restaurant, the other is a hair stylist, and me I'm an artist. My argument was I don't fucking invite you to parties and tell you to bring a fucking painting to my parties, why the fuck would you tell me to bring food to a chef's party! And that my hoes is the reason this wasn't up sooner… well that argument and I had to meet with my tattoo artist… and my bestie came over with that dope ass uni-giraffe… then I had to go to a restaurant bar w/booty (I'm like flava flav I give everyone I date a nickname) so how bout some thank yous:**

**Greatpretender27: **HAAA! Yeah, Alex means it in a nice-I'm-lookin-out-for-you kinda way… yeah I love Taylor & Selena all sparkly and bare footed jumpin round the stage all the time.

**Tatimac: **I'll eventually venture off into Alex's POV, but I can't yet, it'll reveal some of the story I don't want naked yet! Ahaha I phrase things weird…

**Aden: **The difference of need and want is a big thing for Alex, we'll see what happens, I have the plot in my head, not the details yet. I use random word combination, it's my way of throwing people off because they'll be baffled by what you said they forget their train of thought before you spoke.

**143: **glad you're enjoying it sweetheart. Yeah she went Kanye on his ass.

**RiddleMeThisBatman: **I'm glad you liked it boo, glad you we're observant that Alex was observant ;)

**ROTFL: **are you actually rolling on the floor and laughing or are you just pulling my nonexistent dick?

**Camihere: **Well if it isn't my little ball of sunshine! I'm glad you like my Alex babe, she's a slick talking bitch! Mitchie will grow balls eventually, she's confused by Alex still and is trying to figure her out. Love you too baby! Seriously when did we become so mushy?

**I'll dedicate this to Camihere, smile babe, love you dickhole… good luck today**

(Mitchie POV)

Yes! My first party in my new town and it's with the popular kids, but fuck… ahahha buttfuck… no but seriously fuck all those dickholes I'm just jumping for joy because Alex is gonna be here. I wonder how they party… OMG is there gonna be dancing fuck, OMG how do people dance these days? OMG do I dougie? Do I jerk? Do I whip my hair back & forth? Do I cat daddy? Do I do the pretty girl rock? Do I boom flick? Fuck I'm gonna make an ass outta myself… ok here goes nothing…

Holy shit this parties insane! Do all these people really go to my school… I really need to start looking at faces instead of titts & ass… Holy bitch I hope those two are wearing a condom, that's not dancing… or is it? I'm so bad at keeping up with the newest dances. OMG who the fuck is pulling on me…

"Hey Mitchie man, glad you came, so how you like my party?" Fuck Troy is wasted, I feel like I took a shot just breathing in his scent

"Nice place, yeah the party seems wild" WTF wild? Am I describing animals, I need to get an urban dictionary stat.

"Wild, right. Come on let's have some fun" I knew wild was a stupid choice. Fuck. OMG what does he mean by fun? OMG please don't involve needles… please don't involve needles.

"Yo Mitchie, here you go" O shit no Shane is trying to poison me… "Relax dude it's just beer" holy fuck did my face really just read fuck you I've seen this in movies, and I will not let u slip me a date rape…

"O O-K" fuck. Why do I always have to sound unsure shit they probably think I'm a nerd now… ooo I love nerds, the candy, and the hot ones in pornos…

"Yeah let loose dude, chill! It's a party, good music, hot bitches, alcohol & I'm sure if there's anything else you're looking for someone somewhere in this house has it" What does Troy mean anything else? I knew this was a trap house…

"uhm, o-k, thanks"

A little while later I've taken stand in the kitchen w/the guys but at least I'm not getting nervous every time I took a sip of this beer in fear that it contains drugs and I'll black out at any given second, I was actually not feeling so nervous, and when I say not so nervous I mean I didn't look so constipated and like I was gonna shit bricks being around all this alcohol and sweaty people. For some of these people you would think B.O wouldn't be an issue but wrong again even the rich can smell like a locker room full of sweaty man balls.

"O WHAT IS THIS? THE PARTY HAS JUST ARRIVED!" WTF is Troy yelling about?

"huh?" I really can't contain my need to sound stupid & clueless, hey this party is just like the one in Clueless, _Rollin with the homies_, OMG I'm Ty… fuck I'm gonna get a shoe throw at my face…

OMG Alex and her friends just walked in and can I just say GOD DAMN! OMG I hope when Troy said you can find anything in this house he also meant a vibrator! OMG seriously I go into caveman status around her… the only thing I can think right now is ..

"Hey boys we brought a few party favors" Hell yes where's my goody bag Alex… O she meant more alcohol… so I guess this means I don't get any laffy taffy… o I wonder is that dance is still popular… WTF is Troy doing putting his arm around my girl… I will go Wildcat on that ass…

"You are a life saver" Did he just call her a candy? "And you're looking hot as ever, you all are" Really smooth douche.

"So what do you guys say let's get started" O yeah Alex baby, I'm already started, I'm actually in overdrive… where the fuck do I come up with this cheesy ass lines OMG she's handing out Patron shots, fuck! Please skip me, please skip me, fuck she's in front of me

"O uhm, hey Alex, I'm ok I've got this" yes it's necessary to wave my red cup around for emphasis

"Really?" OMG why's she grabbing my cup, but hey I'd say yes to date rape with Alex… O shit she's taking a sip… NO! don't go down w/me… just go down on me… "beer Michelle? Come on Michelle it's a party, the only thing beers gonna do is give you a gut, this…" fuck here she goes again with that shot "will have you feeling great" o baby I can name something else that'll have me feeling great, if I can just find that someone with a vibrator

"It's just that I've never really…"

"Figures." Thank Allah she interrupted me. Wait Allah I'm not Rastafarian. "ok, It's easy just follow what I say first lick your hand"

"huh?" I never was taught this trick in Sex Ed.

"OK I see this is gonna be harder, take this" Bitch hole and it goes back to taking this shot, fuck she's gonna punch me! No, it didn't happen, why's her hand in my face? "lick the salt off my hand" OMG we're doing this here? In front of everyone OMG here goes nothing OMG her skin is so smooth "now take the shot real fast" o God everyone's watching… here it goes… O BITCH THAT BURNS! "and suck" and before I can have another dirty thought she's shoving a lime in my mouth… o well this is better… "now, that wasn't so bad was it?" Lime still in mouth shaking my head no… did I mention I'm a caveman…

"OK now let's see if you can do it by yourself" like I said where the fuck is that someone with a vibrator… "ALRIGHT EVERYONE SHOTS UP" Sweet baby Jesus Alex is sexy when she's taking command… I'd salute to that bitch and give her 20… licks anytime

"ahahaha & I see you've just been taught the art of shot taking, she's a damn good teacher though isn't she? OK GUYS ONE MORE TIME FOR THE NEW GIRL! LET'S SHOW HER HOW WE PARTY OUT HERE" O stupid cunt breather Nate way to direct all the attention on me especially since I'm almost sure I'm wet down there! You little Corey Matthews looking son of a poodle! How about Boy meets fist!

A few more shots later and I honestly can't begin to tell you which black athlete is dating which Kardashian sister. But what I can say is Alex is looking damn good dancing around all over the place. She looks so fucking sexy w/the way she's moving, OMG I can't tear my eyes off of her. O GOD please don't have a stupid look on your face, at this point I'm too drunk I can't tell what my face is doing… fuck my face, back to Alexland and that sexy face… o yeah baby work them hips… mmm hmmm turn it around… dip it low… pop it right… O FUCK she spotted me, OMG she's smiling, OMG did I just do a creepy smile accompanied by a hang gesture I pray looked like a wave, bitchfuck is she calling me over, O no please don't come over here, well you can cum over, shit bad joke…

"You know, one day you're gonna look back at this and wish you could've done something, why waste the opportunity to answer those what if's… come on, dance with me Torres"

"uhm… how do you, uhh, know my last name" … seriously THAT's your response to everything she just said, fuck you're fucktarded Torres]

"Do you wanna sit here & listen to how I know your last name or do you wanna actually enjoy the moment in front of you?... O SHIT!" OMG WTF why's she yelling… OMG… "I LOVE THIS SONG!" O GOD why's she pulling on my shirt "No backing out Torres, this is my song!" O GOD the way she's running her hands all over me, and the way she's singing along is so sexy! _Hey boy! I really wanna know if you can go downtown with a girl like me. Hey boy! I really wanna be with you, cause you just my type. OH NA NA NA NA I need a boy to really take it over, looking for a girl to put you over, OH NA NA, what's my name?_ Thank you Rihanna for this song! Even I know this one! O MY GOD I don't know what's gotten into me but I grab Alex's hands and turn her around and slam her back into my front and hold her tight and start whispering the lyrics in her ear _"ooh na na, what's my name, ooh na na, what's my name, what's my name" _and to my surprise she turns around in my embrace and leans in and starts whispering the next verse in my ear _"Baby you got me, and ain't nowhere that I'd be, then with your arms around me, back and forth you rock me, so I surrender, to every word you whisper, every door you enter, I will let you in"_ O MY GOD, tell me you wouldn't be horny? She's smiling at me, how do I look? O GOD where she dragging me?

"WOOO! I'll give it to you Troy, you throw one hell of a party" fuck why are we back in the kitchen… I thought we we're gonna take care of the fire that's happening in my skinnies… Now she's using me to help prop herself up on the kitchen counter…

"Well I do try, here…" OMG what the fuck is that he's passing to Taylor… OMG is she trying to get Miley Cyrus wasted?...

"Damn… here Lex" O shit not you too Alex, you're getting Miley Cyrus wasted too? Please don't get Lindsey Lohan wasted…

"NICE… good shit Troy" OMG she makes it look so sexy

"Yeah dude, Nate just found out his neighbor grows this shit, dude has like fuckin' garbage bags full" OMG please don't pull one out…

"No shit… that's fuckin' awesome, this shits legit… here" OMG she means me, DICKHOLE, I'm in the spotlight again tonight…

"O, no, I'm ok…" damn these guys must think I'm a fuckin loser and this is my first party…

"Let me guess, never smoked pot either?" Damn this bitch knows me, once again I respond with a nervous headshake which I hope means no, and not I'm Emily Rose and now being possessed. "you know it actually helps loosen up your mood, and you like you need some loosening up" "HUH…" seriously I'd make Ramona seem like the smartest child ever at least she knew the word terrifical… "it's not that hard, come here" and with that she pulls me so I'm standing in between her legs. O god the things I can do in the position. "now just suck, inhale, and blow" O God, WTF shouldn't her panties be off for this… "Torres you with me here…" fuck she meant the joint… Fuck go hard or go home! Here it goes… O SHITCUM I'm choking! O God I'm coughing so hard drool might escape… fuck how does Alex always get me to drool… "too foreign huh?" YOU THINK? "alright babe follow me" she then proceeds to take a big hit "suck" What! OMG she takes my chin in her hands and opens me mouth and smashes her mouth on top of mine and I could feel her breath lightly hitting the back of my throat so I do the only thing I could muster up at the moment and breathe in. I open my eyes and she looks at me with that fuck-me smile and says… "Welcome to your first taste of weed" .WEED… I close my eyes and go back to my new happy place… suddenly I feel someone slap my shoulder…

"So how was it?" God dammit Shane, you scared the fuckin skittle berries outta me whore. Wait where the fuck did Alex go? "so…?"

".WEED" fuck way to not be above the influence. Shit I'm under the influence… see what I did there… wait, what'd I do…

"Well that's good, come on man let's take a few more shots" FUCK IT! Kat Williams was right… soon as you get that weed in you, you get that in your system…

I have no idea how many more shots I've taken or how much time went by, or how many more plastic surgeries Heidi from The Hills has gotten, but I know I FEEL GREAT! Sure my balance would fail on Wii fit and my vision is like a kaleidoscope, but I feel amazing, geez why haven't I done this before… suddenly I hear my baby…

"Alright Troy to another great party, but we're taking off now." O sloreshit, she can't leave yet…

"wa-waIT!... you-rah lee-ving" shit WTF did I just say

"whoa, somebody had fun tonight."

"I, uhm, i-I do, do you need (hiccup) a rrride-a hoo-muh" seriously, is this English?

"if I did, it wouldn't be from you, you're wasted. You don't plan on driving home do you?" don't say yes… don't… say… yes… FUCK my stupid head shook up and down… it's like I'm in LiarLiar and I can't lie… "YEAH… THAT's not gonna work for me…" OMG why's here hand in my pockets… ooo go left more… OMG she has my car keys… this bitch is going Grand Theft Auto on my ass… she's gonna steal my baby! OMG why's she throwing them to Troy, HE'S gonna go throw Grand Theft Auto on my ass… OMG what did I ever do to him? I'm not Vanessa. "Troy! Torres is wasted, she's staying the night!" she then brings herself to me and says "Accidents aren't sexy babe." And kisses my cheek and leaves. WTF…

"Hey man" I do a 180 towards the voice and OMG WHY THE CUNTFUCK IS THE ROOM SPINNING… O God gravities testing me

"WOAH! You are drunk…" O God I didn't feel the floor, who's holding me… "…fuck! SHANE COME HERE!" Troy? "come on dude, help me take Mitchie here to the room, she's shitfaced and needs to lie down" suddenly I feel someone hook ender my arms and someone on my calves and I feel like this is a crime scene and they're taking my dead body out… if I see red and blue… OOO what's this… pillows…ahhhh…

"Yo Mitchie dude, if you need to throw up there's a trash bin next to your head, alright, no yack on my floor, ok?"

"dude, well at least she had a good time, Welcome to LA Mitch"

**I'm sick, so I actually have time to be on the computer… maybe I'll write more… or I dunno… kinda feel like I should delete this and just paint… My best friend's here and he wants me to say HI! Whatta dickhole… he's supposed to be here to entertain me while I'm sick and so far all he's done is lay on my bed, hot box my room, and shuffled thru my iPod… right now Wiz Khalifa is blasting thru my ihome… O BTW the song I used was Rihanna-What's My Name. I 3 Rihanna and Selena tweeted she liked that song. should I continue?**


	4. Morning After

**A/N: This was supposed to be up last night, but this hoe called me and wanted to take me out to dinner, then we got drunk, sorry. I forgot to include on my last A/N I do not encourage smoking weed. If you do that's awesome, if you don't that's cool too. This fic is based off me & my friends and our stupidity… obviously we are not an example… so please do not Miley Cyrus my ass and increase the sales of Salvia or weed in your neighborhood. And for the person asking if that bitch I'm licking on my profile pic, no. Thanx for the favorites and alerts kisses bitches… here some personals…**

**Camile:** Hey I dated a girl named Camile before, you're not from Florida are you. Anyways thanks hoe.

**Greatpretender27: **I'm not a Zanessa fan either, but I at least thought they'd last… thanx for constantly reviewing boo.

**DamonSalvatore: **Hell muthafuckin yes Katt Williams is the shit… girl, it's all good, I be getting mad lazy too, but usually when I'm zoning I'm not, weird… fasho for now I'm gonna continue… thanx for reviewing hunn.

**143: **You're so observant ;) love it! Yes I go off at a joint when that song hits! Thanks for the review babe.

**Aden: **Awww well thank you for liking this so much babe. If you think the same way then we should be friends… just a warning I do cuss like that constantly! Thanks for the constant reviews booboo.

**Full360-2b-me: **AHAHAHAHA bitch, why'd you read this in class? They musta thought you was smoking some! Congrats you finished your final! How'd you do? Hell mufuken yes we needa meet up to get some tequila flowing. Thanx hunn.

**RiddleMeThisBatman: **Hell the fuck yes she did! Thanx for the review lover.

**Mell23:** When I first saw your review I was like O shit this hoe bouta go bad on me for my sailor mouth… ahahahaha I'll continue…for now ahahahaha… I'm glad you love it! If I'm awesome, you're amazing babe! Thanx for the review booski…

**Tatimac:** It's cool if you don't like drugs, that's good, stay golden hunn. I will do Alex's POV soon… I think… thanx for the review sweetie.

(Mitchie's POV)

I did not wake up feeling like . Muthabitchass Ke$ha lied. Fuckin dollar sign hoe. I hope or Diddy Derrty Money or what-the-fuck ever his name is now doesn't wake up every morning with a bitch of a headache! The last thing I remember is puking like I was fuckin Emily Rose and an exorcism was happening on me. Fuck! Where the fuck am I? haaa… mama warned me there'd be days like this… wait a minute NO, she didn't… she said 'Mitchie if you ever come home any type of intoxicated I will go on your Facebook and post all your embarrassing pictures and tell all your friends how you name your toys you play with at night and talk to them… yeah you think I don't hear' geez what the hell has gotten into parents these days… O God sitting up has got to be the dumbest idea I've had yet, the whole room is spinning… O God…

"Yo man, you finally up?" No I am not on Disney channel just Troy's room apparently…

"uhm… yeah, I have a headache…"

"Don't worry, the morning after's always a bitch, but for someone who doesn't drink or smoke, you hung in there pretty well, so did u have fun?" HELL FUCKING YES IT WAS THE BEST PARTY OF MY LIFE!

"Yeah…" what? I didn't wanna sound too excited… "hey thanks for letting my crash" there you go Mitchie now, that's what mama taught you, your please and thank you's… like that one time I saw this creepy old man trying to stare at my chest on the bus I turned to him and said 'Can u PLEASE stop trying to look down my shirt you sick pedophile geezer, I'm underage and equipped with an emergency button on my cell phone, THANK YOU'

"Yeah dude, don't worry about it, plus Alex took your keys, so it's not like you had the option of leaving" wait Alex has my keys?

"Wait, Alex has my keys?" yup that time I said it aloud, why do I always blurt out irrelevant things and think about relevant questions…

"Yeah she took 'em from you last night, she didn't want you driving hammered" awww she cares… I'm so freakin happy a rainbow would shot outta my mouth if I smiled!

"O, ok, hey do you mind if a take a shower? I feel kind of gross." Like a toilet would after a night of partying from Snooki…

"Yeah go head dude, let me grab you a towel and a shirt you could borrow"

O GOD that shower was amazeballs! After some nice hot water running on me and some Mitchie on Mitchie time… just a little didn't wanna be too loud, I feel a shitload better.

"Hey thanks Troy, I think I'm gonna head out now, wait, fuck, my keys, Alex still has 'em"

"O yeah well Alex only lives two blocks away. You want a ride?" for 2 fucking blocks, how lazy are these fuckmonkeys?

"O no, it's ok walking sounds good right now" WTF he gives me this look as if I just said something absurd like Demi's probably gonna get an offer for a reality show after this whole treatment center washes over. Can't wait for 'Living with the Lovato's'

"uhh, ok, you just go up the street and when you see the first stop, don't stop, it's not there, keep going straight, then on the second stop don't go right and her house is 1323" wait did this muthabitch just try to confuse me? Who in the mother of skittles talks like that? I know I'm not still high…

"So I just go straight and make a left on the second stop? Right?"

"Yeah, dude that's what I just said." You cum bucket that is not WTF you just said… you said some other ass bullshit…

"OK thanks"

"Cool hit me up if anything and I'll let you know what's going down tonight." Somehow this turned into Malibu's Most Wanted…

"Alright, will do, see ya"

Alright let's see 1323… gotcha

"Hey Michelle, you're right about on time" OMG did I forget we we're suppose to hang out… jiz booger… O GOD how much cash do you have in your pocket Mitchie?…

"On time for what?" please say sexy time… please say sexy time…

"Well, let's see, when someone usually gets wasted, they have a recovery period, and 1 o'clock is usually the time they feel ok enough to step out" man does she know everything

"Man do you know everything?" what? I had to ask.

"Nah. Everything worth knowing is boring, it's the things that you don't need to know, that are exciting, so I'm assuming you're here for your keys?" Hey I doubt that I wanna know what your sex face looks like, and that's exciting.

"Yeah I guess. I was pretty wasted last night." Yeah I opted for saying something that won't get me kicked in the stomach and ruin her steps by vomiting like a mad woman

"Yeah you were. But did you have fun at least?" O God there's that little cute eyebrow raise that she does… I wonder what her eyes rolling back look like?

"Yeah, actually I did. Thank You."

"For What?" O yeah confusion looks good on you.

"For guiding me thru last night, for making me loosen up and have fun"

"Michelle, no one can truly make you do something you aren't willing to do, some people just need an extra push, or encouragement, when you push thinking out the way, the world is much more inviting" O My God she's like Rev Run up in this bitch… Who's House?...

"Why do you always know what to say?"

"I've done too much thinking" O God did she just wink at me? Do it again! Do it again! "Well, here's your keys Torres" Right. That's why I came here. Would it be corny to say right now that I forget everything when I'm around her? Fuck I just said it…

"So, what were you gonna do?" You got your balls back Mitchie… wait a minute you never had balls…

"Probably gonna go grab a bite to eat" I was thinking the same thing… mmm hmm… stop you perv she's looking at you.

"O, uhm, need company?"

"Sure, come on I'll drive, besides I heard you don't have your car on you" There goes that bitchhole wink again, I hope she's actually winking at me and doesn't have a twitching problem. O MY GOD her car is a fuckin white Mercedes G Class. OMG these things are nice, look at all that space, there is so much room to fuck in here.

"Nice car."

"Thanks, I like it. I only have a few rules, music is totally my choice, if you're gonna smoke, crack the window open, and be comfortable, the car ride shouldn't be stressful, it's only taking you to where you have to be" Well there goes my option of telling her to play One In the Same…

"I'm comfortable"

"Really?" O I've seen this game on Sonny With A Chance.

"Really."

"Yeah, because people who are comfortable sit up straight and fidget with their fingers." O GOD why's she grabbing my hand, they're all clammy and gross from being nervous. I lied. "Now you can't fidget. Yeah, you so aren't nervous, I can tell by the clamminess of your hand" Cuntfuck now she knows I lied… if you wanna feel something clammy bring your hand lower… Vaginamonster I'm a perv…

"What? It's hot." It really is… O why's my window going down… dammit I hate how drivers have that little control panel on their side... fuckin control freaks…

"Better?"

"Uhm, yeah, so why is this all so easy for you?"

"What is?"

"You know like you're just calm about everything, like this, how is it this easy for you to just talk to people, or kiss them, or hold their hand?" Why the fuck am I saying this?...

"You can always let go." Huh… she's looking at are intertwined hands… Hell the fuck no am I letting you go, even if that means you don't turn properly, I'd rather crash.

"No… it's uhm…" I'm asking my mother for my old grade school report cards because my teachers who wrote she's bright in there lied.

"Michelle, these things are the simple fun things in life, it's what comes after that's the hard part, so let's just say I like to take it easy."

"Easy… ok I think I can do that." Come on slorebag you are easy, well easy for Alex

"Great come on we're here."

"Where are we?"

"It's one of my favorite diners come on." Diners always make me think of grease… Ooo I kinda feel like Sandy and she's Danny except I'm the one with the asschin, not her, O and Danny's a boy… O well this is a cute little place, it's like Cinderella Story, please don't be salmon on the menu…

"Hey Stella"

"O hey Alex how are you today?" I guess she comes here a lot… seriously what's wrong with me I can't even say the word come without thinking something dirty after…

"I'm alright, can we have a table for two?"

"Sure right this way sweetie"

"Thanks Stella"

"Sure thing can I get you girls anything to drink?"

"I'll have a chocolate milkshake please, and Michelle what are you having?"

"Uhm, I'll have an iced tea please."

"Sure thing, be right back"

"Thanks Stella. So Michelle why the move?"

"Uhm my dad got a job offer." Whatever I said about my father before can be forgotten, did I forget to tell him that I love him for bringing Alex into my life… I will stop going thru his laundry pockets… yes I will… I mean won't… whichever one means I'm not going to…

"I see, so do you miss it?"

"Yeah, when I think about my friends and family back home, you know I had history there, but I'm learning to adjust to this place."

"Sometimes moving away doesn't mean letting something or someone go, sometimes it means you're holding onto their memory forever, staying in the same place or situation makes the memory fade or change. Moving allows you to become someone different if you want, a new beginning, where no one knows you or your history. It's refreshing to know when people look at you, they hold no biases towards you." HOLY BITCH! This just got serious…

"So what can I get you kids?" O mutha fuckin thank you. I seriously did not know what to say at that moment. What she just said was like she was trying to tell me something more. Fuck that was like out of a Lifetime movie.

"I'll have the ham&cheese with bacon and avocado on wheat with curly fries please"

"ahh, uhm, I'll just have a bacon cheeseburger with fries thanks"

"Alright, be right out kids."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." O donkey bitches that giggle has got to be my favorite sound ever, top 3 at least.

"No I mean like why don't you have a boyfriend? Or uhm girlfriend?" this could go 2 ways either she takes it a compliment like for someone as beautiful as you why are you single? Or Bitch what the fuck is your deformation and why are you single? She's smiling… please don't be evil…

"Well why don't you have a girlfriend?" damn it went neither. This hoe answered my question with a question. I hate that game…

"Who says I don't?" HA! Two can play this game.

"Cause you don't seem like a player, and you wouldn't be here with ,e if you did." Damn I lost.

"I had a girlfriend back home, but we broke up a few months ago."

"And what brought up the break up?"

"I guess we just drifted apart…"

"You guess?" Damn did she have to point out my awkwardness…

"OK we drifted apart."

"Don't ever sound unsure… makes people ask more questions. Talk with confidence, people won't ever question a confident person." This bitch is the most confident person I've ever met! OOH… light bulb… "So do you miss her?"

"It was a mutual break up, we were better as friends, and I miss all my friends… wait a minute, wasn't I asking about you?"

"Hey!" That's right put your hands up, this is a stick up… Shitballs this would be a better joke if I were a guy. "I thought we were getting to know each other, ok let me put it like this, you know when you're so lost in someone that no matter what you're doing, it could be something as simple as just sitting down on the living room couch watching TV together, but at that moment you're so extremely filled with joy because you're just so happy to be alive to be with them at that moment. So… if you're asking why I'm single, it's because I wanna feel like I'm in love not just tell myself that I am. A title is something earned, it shouldn't be given out so casually."

"Alright kids, here's you go, let me know if you need anything else." Geez this woman is a savior, I should keep her around for every stuck moment I get… you, Mother Theresa you…

OMG food is so good right now… OMG I hope I'm not making my 'O' face because I am in ecstasy… thank you for this moment of silence to think about all that stuff Alex was just talking about… ok let's recap she said something about sitting down and watching TV but when she said that she reached for a napkin and it gave me a nice little view of her two friends… damn… then she said love and when she said that her eyes sparkled… and I couldn't help but feel pain… dammit… stupid cum dumpster… I can't help but stare… she's…

"You're beautiful" Bitch did I say that out loud? O monkey fucker I think I caught her off guard judging by that surprised look on her face as she's mid bite… damn her face looks sexy like that… mouth all open ready to chow down…

"What was that?"

"I said you're beautiful" there's that confidence… yeah! Question that?...

"And why do you say that?" OK guess you can…

"Because for one, I don't mind looking at you at all, second, you know exactly what you want, the words you speak are beautiful" O man she's reaching for my hand and smiling… I don't know about you guys but in Mitchie's book of love, this is a good sign…

"Michelle you're sweet, but let me just put it like this, I've had too many cavities, I don't need another." Refunds for that book will be given out at the end of this story…

"Hey sweetie guess what?" Dammit Stella, I had a response this time…

"What?" awww Alex's eyes got all big like a kid in a candy store, like me at Good Vibrations… ;)

"I happen to have a slice left of your favorite cake." Mmm how bout pie… Alex flavored pie… not my fault they filled my childhood with movies of guys jacking off into pies…

"MMM OMG! You truly are the best Stella" is that all it takes to be the best… fuck cake, why didn't I think about that.

"Don't worry about it sweetie."

"MMM, OMG!" CUNTBAG is it possible to be this turned on right now, shit, it's like a Carl's Jr. commercial up in this bitch with her eating that cake using her fingers… "This is the best cake ever! It's the best thing about this diner."

"Don't believe in utensils?" What? I had to ask, I already explained how I go caveman around her, one of us has to be the lady in this relationship…

"Not when it's finger-lickin good" O whorefuck I really should document thing that she says because that line could've sent me over the edge later on tonight… "Here, try." O Well when you hold it between your index and thumb like that who am I to say no to something that's finger-lickin good ;) "Tell me that's not the best?"

"That is the best." Finger food I've ever had… let's leave that last part out…

"Told you." Dickhole! Seriously, does she have to eat it like that… "OMG so good, want another piece" yes please, served on those fingers of yours…

"Yeah. Sure"

"MMM OK you bout ready to go?"

"Uhm, yeah sure."

"OK, hey Stella! Can we get the check please?"

"Sure darling, here you go, you two be safe alright"

"I've got it" Bitchfuck Mitchie don't just blurt shit out before checking your cashflow in your pocket…

"No, no after all I took you here."

"No really I insist" Bitch stop insisting before you check with your pockets dickwad.

"Yeah, and as amusing as your persistence is, I'm hard to break." Bitchcunt her eye must get tired from winking all day… O hell no is that a hundred she just slammed on the table… how much is this fuckin place "Come on, let's go."

"Aren't you gonna wait for your change?" Shit… if not I'll meet you in the car, while I scoop up your change.

"Nope. It's a tip"

"You tip that much?" Fucktard I usually just leave a note on a piece of napkin as a tip like… Bats always go left when exiting a cave…

"Stella's always looking out for me, she works at a diner, I drive a Mercedes and live in a huge house, I'm very blessed, there's no need to be selfish when you have so much." What the cuntspit… well I'm in need of sex, so why not donate to the horny…

"Come on."

She looks so good driving… I'm still thinking about how this car how so much room… seriously it fits the entire Kardashian clan… and if it can fit all of them just think about the things you can do in this baby… What the flying fizuck is that noise…

"Hello" Hey bitch no talking on the phone and driving… please don't get pulled over… I'd sell you out in a heartbeat… I'm not good under pressure… "…hey … no I'm not that busy" Bitchfucker we could be getting busy but you're on that bitchass iPhone… "… sure sounds good … meet you there? … alright see you in a bit." Finally she's off not that I was participating in conversation… "Hey, so your cars' at Troy's house, right?"

"Alright."

"Uhm did you wanna hang out some more?" You skittle bitch you don't even have a plan in mind… think before you speak idiotfuck

"Sorry I just told Lucas I'd watch a movie with him, didn't know you still wanted to hang out" Whoreslut that's why you don't assume you make an ass outta u and me… especially me at this moment

"O, uhm, it's ok" Way to not sound like this bitch just took the last cookie from the cookie jar and you're pissed because you've already poured your milk…

"Alright sexy, here's your stop"

"O, thanks Alex, for everything, for last night and for lunch" and for ditching me to hang out with that douchefuck Lucas…

"You worry too much Torres, it's all good, see ya around"

**That tip part was because when I went to Selena's concert I was hammered when I got there, then I ordered a beer there and it was $7 and I put a $20 down and told the lady to keep the change as a tip then I turned to my friend and said "WTF did I just tip her $13 who the fuck tips 200% for alcohol at a Disney concert. And I'm almost sure when I was talking to Selena and her parents they smelled the tequila on me… Not my fault they're a family of huggers… anyways bitches… off to go to Build-A-Bear with my bestie, he wants to make me something… great… anyways Suggestions? Comments? Review please. LOVE YOU HOES!**


	5. fuck friends

**A/N: HO HO HO HOES! Sorry about the lack of updates I've been mad busy, literally been drunk every day for 7 days but in my defense I've had a Xmas party every day with all my different groups of friends, and it doesn't end today, I have my Xmas party with my main bitches, our version of a potluck is everyone bring alcohol! OMG THOUGH WHO HAS SEEN BLACK SWAN! ? Holy bitch one of my dudes took me to see to last night and it was SOOOOOOO GOOD! Legit one of the best movie's I've ever seen! Mila Kunis is a God! Dude why was I just on the phone with my hoe and I started coughing and said "fuck I needa clean out my pipe I just swallowed some shit!" and she replies "mmm sexy! Bitch it is too early" and I said "It's never too early to talk dirty, go head baby." Then she said "I meant to be getting high." So I just replied "Either way you just killed the mood. Call me later." So now I'm updating instead. Anyways heres some thank yous! Love u whores!**

**RiddleMeThisBatman:** Sure it makes sense to me! Yeah def., I never commit that easily or at all really, I just like open relationships. Thanks for the review booboo.

**Camihere: **Hey Babe! Alex's POV will come soon, possibly, it's not as fun in her head as it is in Mitchie's. As of right now Alex is reserved opposed to what people may think. Bitch when are you updating? Remember how I said I'd be super sweet to you? I lied. J/P I love you babe! You are my little sunshine fag.

**Full360-2b-me: **dude I'm almost 97.4% sure they're gonna offer Demi a reality show when she gets outta TC… Damn girl good shit on your finals! Killin em! Nice! Ahahahaha dude no I don't own stock in Build-A-Bear, it's just me and my friends like to build bears for each other, you know some sentimental bullshit.

**Greatpretender 27: **Damn girl you just want them to fuck already huh? Ahahaha, no worries my dear there will be some licking and sucking and all that sexy shit for you reading pleasure soon. O and to answer your other question, yeah when Selena had a concert in my city I went and killed a bottle of tequila in the parking lot and her stepdad saw me and invited me backstage because he wanted to surprise Selena. Then when I saw her she started yelling and jumped on me and I was wasted! Then we talked and her mom came by and hugged me and talked to me. Pretty amazeballs! Thanx for reviewing babe.

**Mell23: **Yeah Alex is a sensitive soul, you'll see soon, hopefully. Yeah Mitchie's starting to grow balls, of course she's in lust with the bitch. Thanx for reviewing hunn.

**Aden: **Awww thanx sweetie. Dude you work on an army base? Wow that's sick, OMG there must be hot dudes around u all the time! Know what's funny I have a bunch of friend's in the Army/Marines/Air Force and they have this blast that they do if a soldier's girlfriend cheats on them they do a twitter blast about the girl and one time there was a pic going around about a girl who cheated on her boyfriend in the army and the pic was of Demi! Weird. Anyways hell yes we're homies now!

**143: **I hope u didn't really die laughing, I'd miss ur reviews! HAHA thanx for the review love.

(Mitchie's POV)

Man stupid Lucas. Had to interrupt my time with Alex. Stupid Alex. Agreeing to go out with stupid Lucas. I swear if that little ball dancing Love Story Bieber hair-having doucheturd even lays a hand on my girl in that movie theatre I will go apeshit on his ass. She better fucking know every bitchhole detail of that movie when I ask her about it. Whoa chill Torres, you sound like one of those people who'll end up on E! Investigates. Alright take your mind off Alex. Let's see ok I'll just go downstairs and see if there's any food. O skittle fuck my mom's cooking! YES! Last time I cooked I god sidetracked and the pot caught on fire, in my defense the black ceiling really suited the kitchen better.

"Hey honey, I made you some tater tots, I know how you love 'em"

"MOM! WHAT THE FUCK! THAT'S WHAT I ATE WHEN I FIRST MET ALEX! FUCK I JUST STOPPED THINKING ABOUT HER 2 MINUTES AGO! MUST YOU RUIN EVERYTHING?" o fuck, where the cuntfuck did that come from? O shit mom looks like I'm gonna spray your dumbass with mace and leave you in the middle of 8 mile.

"Mitchie, what the fuck is wrong with you?" What the fuck is wrong with you?, lady with my face. Jiz fucker don't say it out loud.

"Uhm you see, that was a rehearsal for a play that… uhm… I'm gonna audition for at school, yeah, the role is about a psycho teenager who… uhm… doesn't realize the worth of her beautiful forgiving mother" Please God let there be a play like that happening at school shitcum… please don't make me have to start one.

"Aww I didn't know you were into theatre." O thank God she bought that load of bullshit.

"Yeah, totally."

"Yeah nice try slick, you put up the biggest fight when I tried to take you to watch Wicked, so who's Alex?" fucking unicorn piss she caught me.

"No one" Everything to me. Let's not freak the geezer out.

"Sure, no one as in someone? OMG Alex, wait do you like boys now? Yes! I'm gonna get grandchildren, If you just squint and close one eye balls don't look as repulsive. So he is this Alex guy?" OMG what the fuck is wrong with this lady? OMG am I like her?

"No mom Alex is a girl. Just drop it… O shit my phones ringing!" Thank you! God that woman thinks because she shot u out of her vagina, that she can be all up in your binness. Shoot! HAHA I'm so not ghetto!

"Mitchie is that Alex? Let me talk to her, maybe I can convince her to be your girlfriend if I tell her I'll take you to get a Brazilian wax!" Seriously who the fuck pissed in her coffee

"No mom! Just, just stop! It's just my friend geez!" seriously this is why I try and avoid birthday parties, put some alcohol in that woman and she'll tell the world how I used to stare in the mirror playing with my titts telling them to please grow! Never again. O it's a text from Troy.

_Troy – yo dude hope ur hangovers done. A few of us r gonna hand at my place. Come thru._

_Mitchie- what time & who?_

_Troy-Now! Me , Shane, Nate and the girls_

_Mitchie-B there in 30_

Alright Alex interrogation time! Hope you had your fun with Lucas but now it's back to me! Fuck I am my mother… shitfuck skittle jizzle! Wait where the fuck is this bitch's car? Yo chill Torres, shit maybe someone gave her a ride. O fuckbitch Lucas better not have been that someone! Seriously what the turdfuck is wrong with me?

"Yo Mitchie what's up? Glad you came." Whatever. You're not Alex.

"Uhh, yeah. What's up guys?"

"Dude just chilling, drinking a little, take a seat." Hmm there's Troy, Shane, Nate, Taylor, Gabby, and Debby what the fuck! Where the fuck is Alex?

"She's not here." Dammit Nate! Was it necessary to point it out in front of everyone? Douchefuck.

"What are you talking about?" Just play dumb Torres.

"Dude don't play dumb… Alex will be here soon." O-K maybe I can't play dumb. Maybe I should've gone to those plays with my mom.

"I wasn't…"

"Dude shut the fuck up, you suck at lying. We know you're looking for Alex." Shane you shut the fuck up with your boy band looking ass… I hope you get bitten by a vampire…

"Ok so I might be a little curious as to where she might be considering all her best friends are here." That's right Mitchie the truth will set you free just like daddy says wait a fucking sec he said 'Mitchie if anyone ever tells you to talk say, fuck you I want a lawyer. But If you ever do something so stupid it requires me to pay for a lawyer someone better pay for a lawyer for me for when I have to explain why I fed my own daughter to a hungry pack of pit bulls' ahhh family.

"Yeah, well you know Alex, she's always on her own agenda, she'll be here. So you like her?" Damn Taylor way to put me on the spot, no beating around the bush for you I see. Actually you look like you'd make a good couple with Lucas, maybe you should take him from Alex, you guy look like you could make a good Love Story. I wouldn't go to Shane who looks like he's eyefucking you at this moment. He looks like the type to ditch that ass over a 27 second phone call.

"psshh… no, what?" I think we've established I can't play dumb. So why am I still doing it?

"She so likes her!" Bitchfuck Debby u wanna continue living this Suite Life right? Stop blurting shit out!

"Hey, we love Alex, she's one of our best friends, but I think the boys have already warned you she doesn't do good with relationships."

"Yeah I'm pretty sure you saw the episode in the cafeteria." Shitballs Gabby why the fuck why do you and Taylor have to ruin everything for me I'm about to go Bad Girls Club on your asses and kick ya'll out this house. DONE!

"I'm not…"

"Please, we can tell you do. It's just although Alex is our girl, we mean what we say when we say she really isn't good with relationships. She dumps people left and right." Dammit Debby why does someone always have to cut me off.

"look I don't…"

"Do you wanna keep denying it or do you want advice?" Fuck Taylor I just went thru this interrupting bullshit. But advice? Yes.

"OK advice."

"HA! So you admit that you do like her?" WTF Shane you dickshit everyone just said they knew…

"HAHA these girls are good." WTF Troy please be smarter than Shane…

"Hush, ok so advice." That's right Taylor you tell the dumbfucks! "OK Alex is a complicated girl, she lives for the thrill, but she's also more sensitive than she lets off. She notices everything, the small things that go unnoticed by most, she spots it. Alex is usually too much to handle, she likes to take control, she doesn't take the back seat for anyone, unless the ride is worth it." OOO I get it! Take her ass to Disneyland! I wonder if we could get in for free if we say she's Selena Gomez.

"She's definitely something else." O shitcum I hope they don't think I think she's like a UFO bitch or like a wizard with a freezer lair or something.

"Good luck to you dude, you're gonna need it. I think we should all take a shot for that." Cuntbitch Troy you guys are some fucking alcoholics. You guys are like those people who find any reason to have a drink. ;)

I think I'm getting used to this little alcohol burn that happens. Now I just have to perfect my face when I take shots, I don't know how attractive it is when my face looks like it's spazzing out and my eye is twitching and I yell out bitchfuck every time. We're about to go bottoms up on this next one when the front door swings open

"I know you assholes didn't start without me?" O mother of pimps Alex is standing at the door wearing that sexy smile of hers… mmm I wish that was the only thing she was wearing.

"Well then hop your sexy ass on this counter and join us!" O cuntbag Nate that was my line!

"One sec, let me freshen up" Where the fuck is she running? And what the fuck does she mean freshen up, o hell no what the bitchfuck did she do with Lucas? Was that hoe's hair outta place? Just sneak out to her car and see if the windows are fogged or if it smells like sex. OK I can just say I forgot something in my car and go look for her car and…

"No please, go thru my clothes and make yourself at home." OMG Alex just came out in Troy's boxers and t-shirt. OMG I bet if we lived together that's how she'd walk around the house and… wait hold the fuck up… are you seriously already playing house with this bitch. Calm that ass down Torres.

"O hush, you don't mind…" not when you say it all sexy like that, sounding like one of those 888 porn infomercials in the middle of the night "plus I felt like getting comfy. So what we doing here guys" O god propped up on the counter like that OMG her legs look so smooth, what a Gillette baby.

"Body shots, you're first!" Bitchfuck Shane back the hell up off my girl, O I'll give you a body shot straight into the 2010 Rolling Stone list of losers.

"Shut up perv so, what are we just gonna stand here and stare at each other?" O baby I have no problem with that. I wonder how slick I could be of taking a picture of her with my phone, if I angle it right and make it look like I'm just texting… wow seriously Mitchie WTF too much mommy and daughter time today.

"Alright let's give the lady what she wants!" WTF can I have what I want? O God Alex looks so sexy leaning back make her chest pop out O SHITBALLS! FUCK I'M CHOKING ON MY SHOT!"

"HELP!"

"O SHIT!" OMG What's happening? O that feels good Alex patting my back like that… "Hey give her water!" O shit the water helps OMG did I really just fucking choke in front of everyone. Damn Alex and her boobs, she was obviously sticking them out for me to see, obviously.

"Hey you alright now?" yes leave your hand on my back and I'll be more than alright.

"Yeah uhm sorry."

"What are you sorry about? You can't control it." See even she knows I can't help looking at her tata's cum bucket Mitchie look up

"Yeah, right, uhm thanks."

"What'd I say about sounding confident? Just don't think about it and let it flow smoothly . Alright sugar let's try this again, here." Fuck another shot. Antelope fucker! O here we go… I look over at Alex and just smiles and winks "See I knew you could do it." Am I fucking dog? She looks like she likes werewolves, woof woof baby!

"So what happened with your date with Lucas?" You know Taylor I was warming up to you up until you just reminded everybody in this room about that cuntfucker.

"UGH!" yes ugh's never good unless she meant it as a deep moan O FUCK! Holy shit did she just pop the top of that beer with her teeth? WTF don't do that what if you break a tooth that shit will hurt when you're sucking on me with a gap interfering. "Just fantastic." O I know sarcasm when I hear sarcasm, and that my friends was sarcastic.

"What happened?"

"He's just another dickhead. Thinks with his dick instead of his head, practically tried to fuck me in the middle of the theatre." O fuck no! Lucas you are about to have a sad ending to your Love Story, I'll be the one throwing pebbles at you!

"Well if you stop being so goddamn sexy, I'm sure you wouldn't have that problem anymore sweetheart." Again Nate, that's my muthafuckin line! No one wants to love you for who you are!

"O so I shouldn't be running my hands up and down that bump forming in his 501's?" shoot me please. "HAHA HAHA calm down pervs." O you better be joking! You were about to see Freddy Kruger bitch.

"So Alex movie tomorrow night?" Shane put that overly plucked eyebrow down and wipe that stupid Love bug smirk off your little face!

" Sure baby." O hell no what's she about to whisper in his ear? Come on super hearing come in! "But you gotta go buck ass naked." WTF… that's right Shane it's your turn for everyone to laugh at you! Burn up to that! "up for the challenge?" WTF I thought that wink was only reserved for me? UGH!

"Are you gonna be naked as well?" O you think you got ballsdouche?

"Sure I'll be naked." OK what time and what showing?

"Really?" no really?

"O yeah… I'll be naked… under my clothes." OK even I can't help but laugh to this but all this talking about being naked and Alex being naked has caused a leakage down below.

"So are we just gonna sit here and laugh at Shane or are we gonna drink some more?"

"O he secretly loves the attention." So stop giving it to him Alex! I'm about to go S&M in this bitch, where the fuck is my whip.

What the fuck! Where the cum dumpster am I? O shitfuck I'm still at Troy's house. I just remember drinking like we were fucking rock stars up in this joint! Damn looks like everyone's passed out too. Wait where the fuck is Alex. Shit it's cold! Hmm let me see Shane you don't look cold, I'll just take this blanket. Thanks. What the fuck is the light in the backyard OMG fuck they're coming for us! OMG I come in peace shitjizm. Why am I still walking in that direction. O thank God it's just Alex sitting by the fire pit. Wait a minute what she doing out here? OMG please be making smores I love smores, except for that one time I got too excited and shoved the marshmallow immediately in my mouth which burned my mouth and all the goo got stuck around my lips and I looked like I had jizz all over my mouth.

"Hey sexy" O God she's talking to me right?

"Hey beautiful, why you out here?" O hell yeah got your swagger back Torres yeah, walk with limp like a pimp.

"A girl can't have some time to herself?" Sure, to masturbate.

"O uhm do you want me to leave?" If you say yes, you end up in that fire bitch!

"If you left what would you do?" masturbate to that picture of you in Troy's room

"Go back inside and think about what you're doing out here." Way to not sound obsessed.

"Well then, I'll save you the torture and just let you keep me company out here."

"I'm honored. So you look like you're thinking hard, I thought you said too much thinking isn't good." HA! I do listen! Where's my treat?

"Depends on the idea, and it's more like reminiscing." O yeah I'm reminiscing the moment when your lips were over mine in that shotgun hit.

"Reminiscing about what?" The same thing too huh? I know baby I saw the sparks too.

"O you know just some things in the past, things that will always remain in the past. Just sulking in old memories."

"Hmm… how about we create some memories of our own… OMG did that really just come out?... OMG that sounded stupid… I uhm…" God… it's like I have turrets like that little girl on YouTube who couldn't hit the high note! FUCK! Shit she's giggling ok calm down… FUCK!

"Michelle you're adorable. We're friends right?" sure we're girls and we're friends we're practically girlfriends.

"Yeah of course."

"Good, I need more friends and less people just trying to hit on me." Fuck she baited me in and now she's casting me away…

"Alex…"

"No, shh… we're friends."

"Uhm, here you look cold." See bitch I'd give up my heat for you, my nipples are so erect I could cut glass over here!

"Well here… let's share, now you won't be cold either."

"Uhm thanks."

"You're welcome friend." Ask me what's my least favorite 6 letter word?

**Ok my sexy little slores that's all for now. I'll possibly update maybe around Xmas because holiday time means run and hide from family members asking you who's your boyfriend or girlfriend now and asking if you're pregnant because you dress provocative for their old school taste! O and blame Camihere for the late update apparently I'm a drunk who will hurt their woman until my food is cooked! Kae off to my Xmas party! LOVE YOU GUYS! Review! **


	6. Action Time

**A/N: Hey OK so I was in outerspace doin this… my bad I don't read over my stuff so yeah… plus my friends are over drinking and hotboxxin distracting me anyways… How was everybody's Xmas? We're ya'll naughty or nice? Take a wild guess at what I was? I got some awesome Xmas surprises… Who's got dope plans for NYE? Who out here is from the East Coast? Ya'll ready for me to invade it? Who needs a friend? Ahahahaha love you little skittles! I 'preciate all of the reviews/alerts/favorites… reviews just make me love you a little more though ahahahaha**

**Camihere:** Hey babe let's be friends. Ahahaha j/k… Alex isn't trying to take advantage of Mitchie, but it sounds like you would ahahaha. Now if you would just update so I can review your story! Hope this makes you smile. Love you fucktard!

**Ad3n: **Yo I'm not that funny, I'm really just random and sometimes I need a muzzle ahahaha. Not gonna lie, I have cheated, but now I just do open relationships to avoid any of that. That's dope you and ur dude have been together that long, ya'll practically married. Yo fam be loony, yo sis sound crazy me and my sis are spazztic together… you ain't gotta stop drinking just control it… Ha, right on for loving the story homie! Thanks buttercup.

**Full360-2b-me:** I'm saying Disneyland be expensive. Dude I went drunk, not the happiest place on Earth when the ride twirls you… Damn I miss Vegas! Def. gotta hit it up again… did so much damage when I was there! How wasted was you?

**143:** Yeah just friends suck… are u tryna insinuate sumin'? ahahahaha

**LEATHERnGOLDlover: **there is sumin bout ur name… hmm… ahahaha yes I love your name boo!

**Mell23: **Yeah she was cool at the end… she probably was just sleepy or sumin… ahahaha…. Yeah apparently no one on here likes the friend comment ahaha… man ya'll is rooting for em to be knockin them boots huh? Thanks for the review cakes!

**Greatpretender27: **Damn I wasn't aware I killed u the first time. Yo Mitchie's mom is the shizznittle! Yeah Selena was dope she knows me only because she has two of my paintings at her house ahahaha… so apparently she showed a picture of me to her family… my humor involves a lot of referencing ahaha… thanks for reviewing hunn.

**Chrys17:** I can't believe that you can't believe it. Here's an update not a delete. Thanx doll.

(Mitchie's POV)

I feel the heat coming in as I lay there with the love of my life in my arms, I hold her tighter as I hear the footsteps slowly approaching us and I need to protect her when suddenly I hear in a deep growl "GET THEM NOW!" Suddenly I feel myself getting hit all over then I hear Alex screech "OH MY GOD!"… wait a minute… why am I talking like I'm in an action movie?... I can't believe these muthafuckas are spraying us with water guns, are we doing a super soaker commercial slutbags? There I was just you know peacefully sleeping with the most beautiful girl in the world and yes to my luck these dipshits wanna ruin Mitchie's fun… UGH! I hate my luck, what the fuck, I never pissed off a Leprechaun!

"Nice wakeup call guys. Now if you'll excuse us, Troy we'll be borrowing some things. Come on Michelle." O MY BITCH! Thank you for spraying us with water guns! Picture this, Alex + wet + loose white t-shirt… got the visual yet? OK good now you guys are as wet am I am… HA, I'm wet either way…

"It's not like you don't invade my closet every time you're here"

I just stupidly follow Alex back to Troy's room, and can I say girl I'm in love with your back, the way her clothes are sticking to her body giving me a nice little view of her sexy lady figure. Damn I just wanna walk around with water every day and just 'accidently' spill water on her…chest…what…

"Here you could toss these on."

"Huh?"

"Clothes, you are wet." OMG like you wouldn't believe she looks like a hot ass bait shop girl right now.

"O right."

"OK so I could change in the bathroom and you can change in here, or we can both just change in here, just don't look" Who the fuck gives those options whatever happened to the saying 'Let's go streaking!'?

"Why would I look?" Yeah take that!

"Why wouldn't you?" Shit you got me unless you don't keep your grass cut, cause I only go down if you keep your grass cut… don't get artistic either…

"Do you want me to?" say yes and I'll take you to a Bieber concert.

"What do you think I want you to do?" just lost your chance to party on his tour bus. You could've learned how to do the dougie and teach it to your mom afterwards.

"I don't know you're the one who suggested it."

"What did I suggest?" Hey! I already called dibbs on being the confused one in this relationship cuntfuck!

"Changing in the same room."

"So who suggested the looking?"

"Again, you did."

"Hmm so what do you suggest?" to not play 21 questions… unless it's like 50 cent's 21 questions.

"Why don't we both just change in here?" Shit Mitchie find a mirror and stand by it…

"And what about looking?"

"we won't look at each other."

"So you're speaking for me now?" No! You haven't shut up enough for someone to speak for you.

"Huh?"

"you just said we, meaning you & me." Why don't you just be a fucking cop or something doing all this observing and shit?

"OK I'M not gonna look at you."

"AH! I get it you don't find me attractive." Are you fucking out of your mind not finding you attractive is like saying Selena and Demi aren't the Disney rated versions of Nicole and Paris or that Dallas' tweet to Selena wasn't a little suggestive.

"No, I do you're beautiful."

"And what about my body?" you know that just gives me leeway to stare at it up & down.

"Sexy as hell." WTF how is hell sexy?

"And you wanna see it in the flesh?" OMG my kitty's purring…

"Uhh yeah."

"Well I hope you have one hell of an imagination then! Now look away Torres I gotta get changed." What in the cum dumpster just happened. I always loose at that game… one time it was my virginity… Bitch was lucky she was my girlfriend…

Great now here we are again in Troy's kitchen eating breakfast together like an episode of FRIENDS and guess who's Ross… they really were on a break tho…

"So I was thinking next weekend let's hit up Disneyland." See Wildcat over here was thinking the same thing, see if we could get in free if we say she's Selena Gomez… What kinda name is Alex Russo anyways? Sounds like someone who would own a sub shop.

"OMG Really?" Of course Taylor's excited, does she think the Prince of Persia is gonna be there or something?

"Sorry can't" Well if Alex isn't going then I'm not going! Add a stomp with a pout as I cross my arms over my chest to that… I didn't really do it, but I thought about it…

"Who is it this time?" Wow in one word that basically means whore!

"No one, just taking a little trip to Texas." Ahh Texas why would she wanna go there when they lost the World Series this year? (Sorry I had to throw that in! All my baseball fans stand up! And if you're a SF Giants fan, stand way the fuck up take a shot and scream out 'FUCK YEAH! BLACK & ORANGE!' with me. Sorry back to the story…)

"How do your parents always Just let you leave to go on a trip for no reason?"

"Who says I don't have a reason?" Damn that question game she plays… fucking jiz bucket… "O hold on I'm getting a call… Hello… just eating… haha what are you doing?... yeah… no sorry feeling lazy today maybe tomorrow." What the cuntfuck who am I gonna have to beat up now before tomorrow comes? Who the figgity fuck fuck was that?

"And who may I ask is calling you at this time?" Pssh thank you Shane you know, you're not as bad as people say you are I just wouldn't trust you Forever and Always.

"Just Drew."

"O really Drew?" O so is Alex and Drew the reason she's got Teardrops On Her Guitar? But who's her Forever & Always?

"SHANE!... get your own waffles!" Whoa that was freaky…

"Uh huh, and what did Drew want?"

"O nothing, said he wanted to hang out, blah blah blah, whatever even I can't make that boy more interesting." Hey Taylor's the one who's got Teardrops On Her Guitar because of him.

"Sweetheart why don't you just find a boyfriend or girlfriend already?" BOOM curly head with a good question!

"Now what fun would that be? And besides everybody in high school just wants a good lay, not true love. Love is overrated anyway, I just go for the fun times and skip all the emotional drama, excuse me from wanting to bypass the heartbreak." Girl I'd never break your heart… WTF is that a backstreet boy's song… Backstreets back!... ALRIGHT, seriously why the sloreshit am I thinking about a boy band from the 90's right now?

"And you're so sure everyone's out to break your heart?" yeah are you like Justin or Max sure?

"O they never try, they just do whether they mean to or not."

"OK from my records you haven't ever had a steady boyfriend or girlfriend, so what do you know about your heartbreaking?" Hmm I'd like to see those records.

"I just do, besides who said there wasn't a someone who broke my fairytale?" wait… did she… huh…

"Was there?" Yeah! What she said!

"Actually no, no one's ever let me down, everyone has a reason, anyways let's go to the mall."

"Didn't you just say you were lazy on the phone?" O thank you Shane I thought I was the only douchefuck eavesdropping on her conversation.

"Technically no, I felt lazy to entertain another boy who just wants to get in my pants, I said nothing about shopping." That's right girl you just stay lazy…

"Alright let's meet back in an hour here."

I swear I felt like I should probe more into the whole someone breaking her heart thing… something was telling me I should… but it could also be the same something that once told me #FF on Twitter meant fuck friends… I sat there appalled at how many people we're just openly stating their fuck buddies on twitter… (This came because on Twitter there's a topic called #FF or Follow Friday and you list recommendations for who to follow and my friend asked me 'May what's #FF on twitter?' and I replied 'o it means fuck friends.' We all cracked up at her face and finally told her what it really meant a few hours later)

My current wetness level- 8, want to know why? 8 words… Alex trying on dresses in front of us. Seriously how many times can I really state you look super fuckable in that one. Her we go dress number 7… O MY FUCKHOLE! Wetness level at a 10! Red Alert!

"So what do you guys think?" I think where are the jeans? I need a new pair right now!

"OMG Alex that dress looks amazing on you!" Of course Taylor would say that there's glitter on that bitch…

"Yeah, just look at Mitchie's face?" Huh, what? You fucken anus taker Shane really, point me out now? Well why don't we just point out your lisp.

"What do you think Torres?" That you probably have an amazing shocker face…

"Uhm you look breath-taking." Aww shit, someone turned their pimpage on today!

"Aww thanx, OK I think we found the dress, O wait my phone…" She really needs to stop making that O face when she says O, that's just asking for it… wait shh… time to eavesdrop… "Yeah I can't wait… I miss you too…I just found the perfect dress… Aww yeah I'll call you before I board, can't wait to see you… OK love you too, bye" WHAT THE FLYING FIZUCK WAS THAT? "So let's go pay."

"Excuse my language, but who the fuck was that? And since when does Alex Russo say she misses someone much less say love?" Seriously Shane me and you could Make A Wave and interrogate this bitch. (Am I the only perv that thinks that song Make A Wave could be about sex? Like pebble a in the water is like a clit, can set the sea in motion, my hips buck as soon as my pebbles touched, make a wave... ? … no? just me.)

"It's for me to know and for you to wreck your brain trying to figure." Scrotom bitch, I hate mind games one time my friend asked me 'If you were locked inside of a car with a bat, what would you do?' and I replied 'Duh, break the window.' Turns out you just unlock it, after all you're inside… cunt breather…

"Wait Alex, you don't… do you…" Ahh welcome to my grade Taylor…

"Taylor you're at a loss for words…."

"No, are you in like a secret relationship or something?" Muthabitch Taylor even I know it wouldn't be a secret if she told us…

"Now, it wouldn't be a secret if I told ya'll, would it?" OMG I thought the same thing, We are so One In the Same!

It'd Friday, stupid ballhair Alex is leaving today to that stupid top secret mission to Texas. Am I upset? Like a belieber when that picture of Selena and Justin kissing surfaced this morning. First Alex and now Selena… skittle bitchshit! First I lose to Texas now Bieber… _I can't believe I fell for this, I fell through the hole, down at the bottom of your soul, didn't think you could go so low. _Hmm I should write that down, sounds like something I would sing. Suddenly I see that chick who's sometimes blonde, sometimes brunette coming my way.

"Hey Mitchie."

"Hey uhm, Miley right?"

"Yeah, so I was wondering if you were busying this weekend?" I don't know. Stupid Alex is going to muthfucken nutsack Texas. And now all I'll see is the Ghost of Her.

"Uhm why?" What. Didn't wanna sound obsessed.

"Because I have front row tickets to see Rihanna." O shit no! I so badly wanna see her perform S&M live!

"No Way."

"Sorry Miley, Michelle's not available." WTF Alex when the figgity flying fizuck did you get there? Ninja ass bitch.

"And who are you to speak for her? What, mad because there's one person in this school who isn't dying over you?" Who the muthabitch is she talking about?

"O what jealous Miley? Cause no one's dying over you?" Round One Alex!

"I still have no idea why anyone would want you?" We could be her a while if I start naming them yesterday.

"I can tell you, but I think you might get it more if I show you." OMG why's she straddling me… Am I dreaming… of course I grab her thighs… what? I don't want her to fall. One thing Texas taught her well… how to ride… go head cowgirl. O shit suddenly she attacks my lips! Holy fuck! Wish you were me right now? OMG now that is like ecstasy… Wait! Why are you pulling away… what'd I do… too much tongue? Why are you smiling at Miley?

"You're such a slut Alex!" Wait… was I just used? Do I care… tell me if you'd care if you felt those lips on you.

"Takes one to know one. Now go on there's obviously nothing or should I say no one here for you." OH snap! Get it girl! That's right I'm all yours baby! That's right Hannah… Miley… whatever your name was walk away pissed! O wow why's she pointing at me looking pissed…

"Date anyone but that bitch, I hate that bitch." Wait why you getting off… come back baby you look cold… come on I could make your camp rock!

"Uhm… trust me I don't like her."

"Good" Woof Woof

"Why don't you like her?" Did you Before The Storm?

"O you know every school has a bitch, we have Miley?"

"Hey Alex I'll date Miley. Is there anything you wanna do to convince me not to date her?" I can name at least 7 Things Miley doesn't like you Nate.

"O shut up you hate her as much as I do."

"Hey you gave Mitchie a little play." Jealous Velcro head… why don't you take your fruitcake ass to the Rose Garden and cry about it…

"Yeah well Michelle's my little angel face sweetheart, I wouldn't want some bitch like that to corrupt her, you however would be able to handle a bitch like that." I don't know about that, that bitch looks like she Can't Be Tamed.

"So when do you leave?" Why am I asking… hearing it would just takes a stab at my heart

"I leave right after school." Fucking cold hearted vampire bitch.

"Did you need a ride?" Cuntfuck Mitchie do you even have gas? O but if we redo that little scene with Megan Fox in Transformers, I'm with it.

"My mama's taking me, but thanks." Aww she says mama… I'll show you mama…

"O when do you get back?"

"Sunday night."

"I see." Fuck Mitchie you're a lame… it's a shame… why am I rapping…

"Aren't you gonna ask me if I need a ride?"

"Well uhm, I thought…"

"Thanks, I'd love one. Text you Sunday." See people should only cut me off when it's cut-off worthy…

"Yeah, ok cool." That's right who's smooth… go head Mitchie… get busy… it's a Party in the USA…

"Ehem… whipped" You douchecunt Shane you make a muthafucka wanna go apeshit and just punch someone in the face.

"Hey Shane, how bout you just pick me up Sunday instead?"

Yeah, sure do you want me to bring you anything?" O hell no! that's it you & me, Shane, Peru airport be there!

"Yeah, who's whipped now? And I think I'll still take Michelle's offer. So Michelle Sunday I'll text you." Can't wait til Sunday! Remember guys Don't Forget!

**So who's ready for Alex's POV… fair warning though it's not as fun as Mitchie's head… she's a more serious one… review let me know if I should do Alex's POV or Mitchie's POV, want a hint what happens next chapter… **_**Alex comes…**_** ahahaha whack ass hint. Review bitches!**


	7. DESPERATION

**A/N: Alright here's Alex's POV ya'll ready to be confused? Just so you know it's not as fun as Mitchie's POV… she's all serious… Anyways Ya'll are an amazing bunch of reviewers, gotta say… I LOVE YOU GUYS! You guys can probably guess what I'm doing… ahahaha… so who's ready to get faded and X-rated on NYE? BTW LenoraWinsdale is a cunt breathing ghetto hoodrat…And to my wifey Camihere… geez right when I think we're joking around and being fucked up, you come with some sweet shit… UGH! Love you frog bitch… you and your lagoon! Here's some spanksies!**

**Ad3n:** Here ya go you get what you want sweetheart Alex's POV… Dude Friends is the muthsfuckin greatest… I have the whole fucking box set… dvd and Chinese takeout night?

**LEATHERnGOLDlover:** Your names my fave. Ahaha Wish granted babycakes. Thx lover.

**Oh-hell-no: **Thanx for checking out my story… Don't worry about it I don't think they're a cute couple either… she could be banging someone her age… ahahha you said cajones…Hey I'm bi! Ahahaha no offense taken tho… we are greedy… yeah she def. needs to get w/someone without bangs. I'm not a big Nick Jonas or Lautner fan… but I think Shia Labouf, Travis Barker, Sebastian Stan and Tommy Lee are crazy sexy and my girl crushes are Mila Kunis and Amanda Seyfried… Hottness…

**Full360-2b-me:** ahaha I'm glad someone got the Prince of Persia reference! Ahahaha I think you'll be confused more after Alex's POV… aahahhaha not as fun as Mitchie's head (HA Mitchie's head… no?)

**Mell23:** Nah Mitchie's dead set on Alex! Here you go booboo Alex's POV! It's all a mystery… ahahahaha and you're awesomer babe!

**Greatpretender27: **Well I think you've been dying for this chapter so here it is love! No I didn't paint Selena and Taylor… my paintings are on Selena's FB…

**LenoraWinsdale:** I'm not a pervert! You're the one who probably has their hands in God knows where right now as you read this! Fuckin jiz bucket bitch! Love ya…

**143:** You love my head? Damn girl, like that? Well shit… return the favor ahahaha just kidding dollface…

**DemenaJackson: **O shit we got a hella user… you from Cali? Dallas tweeted something like 'Selena I miss you so much, you gotta come over soon, I'll take you to the candy shop' something like that… sounds naughty in my head… ahaha thanx for the review babe.

(Mitchie's POV)

IT'S MUTHAFUCKIN SUNDAY! Woo! Woo! Mini dance party in my head… and private party in my pants… Alex is back today! I was gonna bring her flowers but I didn't want her to get familiar with that feeling thinking she's gonna start receiving them all the time. It really was to benefit her feelings and not my wallet…. So the airport, one time my friend and I we're here and we decided to be stupid and chase each other yelling out 'Ma'am you can't just bypass security like that!'… turns out the real airport security frown upon that and you do get tackled and talked to… it's not like I yelled out bomb! O shit I think I see her coming… wait why does she look like a bait shop girl right now?

"ALEX!" O hell yes she's smiling…

"OMG ROSIE!" Who?... OOO this hug is nice... "OMG Rosie I've missed you so much!"

"Rosie?"

"Wait who are you?" Shitfuck this bitch is high…

"Alex. It's me Mitchie."

"Oh no, sorry, I'm Carter I thought you were my girlfriend Rosie sorry about that."

"O it's ok…" WTF I would've settled for her… I could have been Rosie… fuck that she looks like she's into real princesses…

Man that was weird…

"OMG Dems!" O dickfuck no! HOLY MUTHABITCH!

"OMG SELENA GOMEZ! CAN I HAVE A PICTURE?"

"What? You're such a goofball… sure I'll play along… and what kind of picture did you want?" HOLY DICKHOLE…

"SELENA!" WTF… O shit… "Selena why are you over here?... who's this?"

"OMG DEMI LOVATO!"

"Wait, huh, whoa, you guys look freakishly alike."

"O so it's that easy to mistake your girlfriend now?" NO! What the deuce? Did Demi just say Selena and her were girlfriends?...

"Wait you guys are together?" Fuckin cum dumpster Mitchie keep your mouth shut… you possibly just fucked it all up by fucking talking… you could've just seen some hot Disney porn….

"How bout I just find someone who looks like you and hug them… like her yeah… HEY!" OMG Alex…

"OK girl with my face… back up this one's mine…"

"What the… Hey Michelle, didn't know you were friends with Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato." What pssh… they're friends with me… remember who's the cool one here Alex…

"No they were just here. Uhm ok bye guys, by the way you guys make a cute couple."

"Thanks so do you guys." Please say orgy… please say orgy…

"Thanks. We're not." Wow how's the downer now Alex… way to pop the little fantasy bubble I just created.

"O yours is feisty wanna trade?" O shit hmm… Selena Gomez or Alex Russo… well that's like asking Megan Fox or Mikaela Banes… or Mila Kunis or that chick who helped that guy forget Sarah Marshall.

"O really huh…" Yup Selena looks pissed… it's kinda sexy…

"I'm kidding…"

"…"

"I'm kidding… I love you…"

"Uh huh my bags are over there… nice meeting you guys…" ahahaha Demi is so whipped… man some chicks don't know how to say grab your own bag bitch…

"Michelle?" O right Alex.

"O hey let me get your bags." Me included… I know… I know… whipped…

(Alex POV-ya'll been wanting this)

I'm still confused about why Michelle was with Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato, weird… maybe it's like how people with the same name keep tabs on each other, I guess it goes the same as looks. Michelle's So Random sometimes. I also didn't think I'd have a story to tell Perez this week of uncovering Selena and Demi's coming out at LAX airport… what's with that girl and airports? Anyways I'm exhausted… I love Texas with all my heart, but it's sometimes it's too much. I'm just emotionally drained. I'm glad to be back in LALA LAND and Michelle came on time unlike that one time I asked Nate, then when I called him he told me to Stay, A Little Bit Longer and he'd be here… finally 30 minutes later he shows up and just kept saying Sorry the entire time. Is that a Yankees cap in this car, just when I thought she was cool.

"So a Yankee fan huh?"

"Uh yeah, it's my dad's favorite team. So yeah… I grew up with that team, what's yours?" O so daddy's little girl huh…

"The Rangers…"

"You like them?"

"What's wrong with the Rangers, we beat your team in the ALCS didn't we?" O yeah that was a good day…

"Wow! OK, that's big talk for just runner ups, you guys still lost to the Giants." O hell no. She went there ok this lil Princess of New Jersey or wherever she's from is going down.

"looks like someone likes the sport."

"Me? I can't believe you're a baseball fan. You don't seem the type."

"Really? And what type do I seem like Miss Torres?" She's getting that nervous look in her face again that she usually gets when I ask her a question about me kind of like saying Here We Go Again.

"No it's just, to be honest, you're a mystery to me." Bingo. Just the answer I wanted.

"Mystery how?"

"You're the most confident person I've ever met. You're so sure of everything you want, you make me feel like the first day I met you was the first day I really started living. How do you do that? How do you just make everything better?"

"Magic."

"Well you do know how to cast spells on people. So, how was Texas?" How do I put this…

"It was great." It really was, a little overwhelming as well…

"Yeah, what'd you do?"

"Just hung out with people I love and miss."

"That's great… I'm sure they missed you as well." Yeah, they wouldn't if they've seen what I've become.

"Yeah, it's a special place for me… Hey it looks like my folks are still gone, come on help me with my bags up."

I need this… I can trust Michelle with this… I just need the thoughts in my head to go away, it's clouding my brain and I need to clear it… Michelle's a sweetheart, she really is, but getting involved with anyone wouldn't be right… I'm just gonna ruin her… I need to feel alive… fuck it!

"Michelle do me a favor." Please say yes…

"Anything."

"Just, no questions, I just need this right now."

"Huh, What?"

Next thing you know I can't control it… I lunge at her and just start kissing her… I start grabbing everywhere… damn she has a nice ass… you been eating your cornbread girl! Just when I'm getting to the button on hear skinnies she pries my hands off… I'm confused… I know you guys know that she's been eyefucking me…

"Whoa Alex wait." Fuck! What the fuck is the hold up.

"Michelle, just lie to me, I need to feel loved right now." Dammit just pretend that you love me… Come the fuck on…

"Wait are you serious? Alex what's going on?" Don't fucking pry…

"Michelle I know you want to, and I need this."

"What do you mean you need this?" like Sonny needs her gum before every show…

"I thought I said no questions, you know what forget it then, I'll just call someone else."

"No!" I don't want anything, I just wanna be taken out of my universe, and live out a short lived fantasy real quick…

"One favor Michelle." I need her to know this doesn't mean anything, just a one time thing

"Fine, you need this fine… so let's focus on you. Just let me take care of you then… " I don't know what she means but she starts stripping off her clothes… O God she's doing leaving soft little butterfly kisses down my neck Oh My Fuck that's my spot… I just need her to get to the center of the problem…

"TOR-RESSS"

"Nah-uh, remember I'm in charge right now shh…" Looks like someone's gaining a little confidence where has this Michelle been? She slowly starts taking my shirt off and kissing around my stomach O dear lord she's leaving a slimy trail with her tongue up my stomach … OOO… and there's my boob in her mouth… God her tongue is amazing… Damn she's kissing every exposed area of me… I can tell this isn't just sex anymore, it's making love and I should stop it, but I can't… I need this… O God these pants need to come off already... wait why's she stopping me… WTF…

"No let me do the honors…"

O God she's slowly kissing down my legs as she pries my underwear off with my jeans… one things for sure she might not know how to drink or smoke but she knows how to make love… Fuck what's she doing why's she skidding back up… I will fucking pull my vibrator out right now… O god finally shitfuck she's drawing small little circles with her fingertip around my clit… come on baby I need you inside now!...

"To-uhm-tor-res"

"Yes" No that does not mean kiss me that means stick something in me! "What? Are you not enjoying it?" O fuck yep that's definitely two fingers! O god yes! I can't control it my hips start bucking like crazy… Fuck she's hitting just the right spot… O God I can't concentrate with her thrusting into me like this and sucking on my neck at the same time…

"Not yet beautiful… I'm just getting started." Muthafucka I'm in ecstasy…

"Who's says I'm ending…" Never let your guard down no matter what…

"Good."

Next thing I know this bitch is on her knees spreading my legs apart and making out with my folds… I'm not complaining… OMG this girl's gonna give me a complex the way she's lazily dragging her tongue in circles around my clit… Fuckbitch is that teeth… OMG I can't help it I start pulling on her hair… get the fucking sign… inside!

"Fuck you taste good." Fuck I can't hold back the moan that escapes when the vibrations from her voice hit my clit… Finally with one long lick up my slit her tongue starts thrusting in me… moving in all crazy directions… OK from now on I'm asking any person I hook up with to stick their tongue out first fuck she's pretty amazing…

"O… O My God… Michelle more…" Fuck I'm about there… OMG…

O fuck next thing I know she's shoving her fingers back into me… Damn it feels so good… slutbitch her tongue is doing miracles around my clit with her tongue while she's jamming her fingers into me… O bitch she's curling her fingers hitting all my walls… I'm there… OMG I'm ready to explode…

"Tor-heeesss I'm… I'm cum… I'm cumming"

O God she starts picking up the pace and I can't help it… I explode all down her fingers… O god… I'm seeing stars… I needed this so bad…

"Thank you"

"The pleasure was all mine."

I'm exhausted… I grab her and pull the blankets over us… no more talking… I'll admit Michelle's amazing, but I can't hurt her… I know she has feeling towards me and maybe I shouldn't have done this tonight… but I needed to feel loved and I knew she'd be willing… Now everything that happened in Texas isn't clouding my brain anymore… I needed this little escape… sex is the best temporary amnesia to rid you of your problems… Good night ya'll…

**Next chap I'm going back to Mitchie's head… she's more fun… Get faded and X-rated on NYE ya'll! I love you bitches… I'll update my other story soon! Review babies!MUAH!**


	8. STRIKEOUT

**A/N: HAPPY NEW YEARS BITCHES! How was everyone's New Years? Mines was like a crazy super intoxicated blur of fun! I lost my girls half the night, hung with my guys who are the bouncers, did stuff, took shots of everything the guys handed me, ended up carding people at the door, random hook ups, Jell-O shots, then I ended up with the girl bartender behind the bar. That was mine… let me hear what craziness y'all ended in? **

**So this chapter is inspired by my favorite sport: BASEBALL! I'm a huge baseball fan, and I play whenever my friends are down, we just hop the fence into the diamond and play on their field. Anyways, this story is titled 'GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED' so you had to expect baseball. So everything I say in here are actual scenarios to the game of baseball. SF GIANTS! CHAMPS! So this idea came when I was pitching to this guy I'm dating. OH AND IF ANYONE KNOWS DISCONNECTEDSOUL OR IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE THIS PLEASE UPDATE YOUR ALEX/MITCHIE STORY PLEASE!**

**143: **I have no idea if this chapter will make any less confusing sweetheart.

**Oh-hell-no:** tell your cousins I said thank you. I'm sorry for the traumatic moments ahahaha… yes it's natural, it comes naturally, ahahaha I'm guessing you're pissed bout the vacay pics huh? Thanx for the review sweetie.

**Greatpretender27:** Don't worry I still got a lot of references to different events to come. Yes Mila is the shizz fucking nit… to me she's the hotter version of Selena. Thanx for the review booboo.

**LenoraWinsdale:** If u send me any photos you fucking lil jiz bucket mixed with taxi driver pubs I will call AT&T and have em block picture messaging from u on my phone! Go update your stories cunt breather! It's funny how our reviews aren't even about the story ahahaha.

**Camihere:** YOU were unexpected! I like keeping you curious. 0.o Anyways this chippity will be dedicated to you, I'm glad you're feeling better! I love your email today. I'd also love if you didn't talk about me with your friends and screaming my FULL name during sex. I'm gonna reply soon as I put this up! Love you, you little skittle jizzle hornless unicorn of a lesbian you!

**Full360-2b-me:** I was gonna include Mikayla and Sonny but thought ehh… too lazy ahahaha… Feel me I woulda been like there's the door… peace sucka! But yeah this chaps also about Mitchie trying to figure her out. I know you got fucked up New Years.

**Mell23: **When am I ever wrong babe? Ahahaha just kidding I'm wrong most of the time. Glad I could make you laugh buttercup!

**DemenaJackson:** I'm sure Dallas isn't trying get criss crossed all up in Demi's applesauce. Alex isn't out to break Mitchie's heart. She has intention on the things she does.

**Semifan1:** ehh… my humor doesn't reach everyone. Sorry bout the confusion.

**Ad3n: **There's definitely something that has deeply impacted Alex. She for sure has a game she's playing. The truth will be revealed eventually. Your very welcome now were back to Mitchie ahahaha… thanx for the review hunn.

**Nvrshoutnvr:** Dude one of my good friends is madd in love with nevershoutnever! We we're supposed to see him recently… thanx for thinking my stories amazeballs! Alex wasn't exactly needy for sex… u figure it out… ahahaha thanx for the review babycakes.

**Dj:** Thanx boo.

**LEATHERnGOLDlover:** Happy New Years lover! Yes my dear I got stupid fucked up! How'd u do? Apparently a lot of you want walls broken… violent fucks.

**RiddleMeThisBatman: **Damn you straight to it! Yeah they did finally get it on! Texas is a mystery unless you're me, and I didn't mean to rhyme, I'm like the lil Wayne of FF… ahahaha JK

(Mitchie POV)

I got some booty! I got some booty! Who got some booty? I did! And not just any booty, some good booty! Aww she looks like such an angel sleeping, see she doesn't seem like the type to go frolicking and canoodling with some blonde hair bangin' 16 year old in St. Lucia. Last night was amazing followed by a dream of her riding me while she's saying 'Look ma! No Hands!' Aww she's my Latin Girl. O bitchfuck she's waking up, did she see me staring?

"Morning" O yeah baby that sick raspy voice in the morning is sexy. Don't worry sweetcheeks I'll never get Sick of You.

"Good morning." Hello… Good Morning… let's go… let's rock… let's get it… wait a fucking baby giraffe minute isn't that a song…

"Thanx for last night" O yeah baby say it, i know I was Off The Chain…chain…chain… WTF were my thoughts just auto tuned?

"Yeah, it's fine, no worries." Yeah I got to see your peacock, cock, cock… Seriously with the auto tune?

"Come on let's go have some breakfast." Mmm… I just ate a few hours ago… wink…wink…nudge…nudge…tickle…tickle…break the pickle.

"Yeah sure." As long as it's not a penne pasta with alfredo sauce and a ginger ale and Pepsi.

O her kitchen is nice, is that refrigerator glass… nice so you can just look at it before you open it to see if there's something you for sure want in there instead of opening it and getting that instant burst of coldness to find out there ain't shit in there.

"So I got Cookie Crisp, Reese's Capt'n Crunch, Frosted Flakes or Cocoa Puffs" What the figgity fuckfuck I knew this bitch was a drug addict. "Hey Torres which cereal did you want?" O shit she meant cereal I heard cocoa puffs and went coocoo…

"O I'll just have some Cookie Crisp. Thanks." O shitfuck does she look good waking up… she got that sex hair thing working for her right now and it's even better because she DOES have sex hair and YOU are the reason for it. Unlike some of those people who are all like 'O look at I have bed hair, I'm a rock star , I'm so tired, my hairs all messy but everything else is properly groomed wah wah wah'. O muthasuckin penis a little bit of milk just dropped down the side of her mouth… jizzfucker…

"So uhm do you always have cereal in the morning?" What the fuck was that? You just banged this bitch and now you sound like you're afraid to ask her what she eats in the morning. You are something else Torres.

"Not enough time for anything else, YOU got to get to school." I can think of a few things we have enough time for… we can play my favorite game… it's called 'How fast can I make you cum?'… it's self- explanatory how to play but I do demonstrations if there's any confusion.

"What about you?"

"Nah I'm gonna bail today." O hell no! Then what's the point of me going? It better not be for some bullshit like a crazy 10 minute sale, been there, never gonna go back, one time I seen this girl spinning around knocking shit over like she was possessed.

"O what are you gonna do instead?" Yeah I have a right to be all up in your shit since I was ALL UP in your peehole last night. Go head Mitchie… if you feeling like a pimp go on brush your shoulders off…

"Is there something on your shoulder?" yeah pimp dust…

"O yeah, I thought there was something, but uhm so why aren't you going to school today?" O cumbucket fuck she's leaning over the table with lil Sel and lil Lena all in my peripherals. No I didn't name her boobs… pssh but if I did I can tell you that lil Lena is just a little plumpier than her sister lil Sel.

"O I just felt like working on my pitches." Wait what'd she say something about a fella worrying about her bitches…

"What?"

"You know working on some pitches, you know like baseball." Shitjizz I know what pitching is, I also know that when you talk slow like that for me to comprehend only makes you look retarded. Sometimes people say what, not because they don't understand you, it's just because they didn't hear you, so you can talk regular now.

"O really that's cool , how bout I join you." In a shower… shh… listen dumbass or she'll start talking slow again and we'll be here forever.

"Aww daddy's little girl is willing to ditch." Shit Daddy's little girl… I was looking like daddy's big girl the way I made your Camp Rock last night.

"Daddy doesn't have to know." In fact nobody has to know, give us time to grow, we'll take it slow, I'd stop the world if they let us be alone. Damn I should write that down, I could turn that into a song… I'm always getting inspiration when I'm around this broad.

"OK Torres you wanna play let's go play." Why did that just sound like I've set myself up for something other than what I thought I was signing myself up for. Muthafucking douchebucket this is like the time my mother tried to trick me into saying I'll marry her friend in Mexico's son so that he can live here… hoe almost got me to… sneaky ass producer of me…

Cumstain when Alex said we should shower I got all excited because I thought she meant together so I could dip my cookies in her milk, or butter her toast, or flip her pancakes, or toast her struddle, or cup her cake, or whip her cream, I could go on… but no I'm in this stupid shower by myself… fuck these big ass houses with all these unnecessary bathrooms, you can simultaneously shower in, making the excuse to shower together as a way to save time harder to accomplish. Stupid.

"Alright Torres pick a glove you want to use."

"OK hmm… what about this one? It looks all nice and broken in."

"NO! uhm use any other glove uhm besides that one, actually here give me that one." What the cockroach piss was that. She totally freaked when I picked up that glove. I felt like I should question her on that, but I figured I'd just keep you guys as lost as me.

"OK how about this one."

"Yeah that one's fine, come on let's go."

Alex looks fucking sexy as hell in her little outfit to go play. She has on a cute little Rangers t-shirt at least it's not a Road Dogs one, little booty shorts, some striped knee high socks and a cute little cap… it's like Halloween in this bitch and all the girls are wearing the slutty version of everything. Once I saw a slutty Hannah Montana, apparently she wasn't, She said she was some girl named Miley.

"Alright Torres so this cage is ours, you can have that set of balls on that side and you can move the catcher's mitt so it's aligned with your height, good luck."

Fuck I am horrible at pitching. Alex looks like she's freaking possessed and is throwing her arm out over there. I probably threw 2 strikes out of 40. Alex is a fucking pro, where the figgity fuck did she learn how to play so good. No way in hell am I ever pissing this girl off, the way she's throwing looks like she can throw a mean punch, probably not to her back up dancer but a good one.

"Hey Torres let's see how good you coach, come on."

"So what'd you want me to do?"

"Alright let's say we're in a game and you're coaching me thru the pitches. Come on, what's your favorite pitch?" What kind of conversation starter is that? What if I just walked up to her and said Hey what's your favorite finger.?

"How bout a fast ball straight down the middle."

"So you like to just get to the point and fast?" O no sweetheart. Don't get it mistaken when I get to the point I can go all night long! I'll have you screaming out I'm a Rock God.

"Yeah why not deliver it to them straight."

"How many fingers?" I see what you did there… tryna keep me on my toes about my dirty mind huh… ok

"Four."

"Figures." What's that spose to mean? "Alright 4 seam fastball down the middle coming up." Damn she looks so sexy when she's concentrating on getting the pitch. "Look at that, a strike." O yeah Mitchie's never wrong. HA! My turn to ask you a question.

"What about you what's your favorite pitch?" Why's she smiling at me in a creepy smile. No I didn't take a picture of you on my phone while you we're all naked and sleeping last night! She heard the shutter didn't she…

"My favorite pitch, I like the knuckle curve." Of course she picks an impossible pitch…

"Why's that?"

"The knuckle curve, it's a special pitch, not everyone can do it… the pitch is crazy and wild but when it falls, it falls hard straight into the catcher's mitt. It takes a really skilled batter to hit it, most people wouldn't even get a piece of it if they tried to swing at it." I'd knock that bitch out the park, I mean pitch. "So let me give you a scenario. You're pitching, the counts at 2-2 if you throw a ball, it makes it a full count, or they swing and get a strikeout, or if you throw a strike because you're thinking the batter is thinking you're gonna throw a ball and possible go right for the kill. The pitcher knows it's in their favor right now. What do you throw?"

Why do I have a feeling this isn't just about baseball anymore. I hate when people think I'm on the same page as them, this is how discussions get ruined, lack of knowing. "I'd throw a ball."

"Why's that." Fuck I should've just went to school today. Bet you they weren't gotta hit my face with a pop quiz.

"Well there's a possibility that they'd swing and they'd be out. If they didn't and the counts full then you still have one more shot."

"So you're good with challenges then, OK pitch is thrown and they didn't swing. The counts now full 3-2. If you throw a ball and they don't swing, they walk. If you throw a strike and they don't swing, the games over, but if you also throw a strike they could possible hit it, making the game go longer. Now what do you throw?" How did I end up here? I am more confused by this then an episode of Pretty Little Liars where the non-Latin version of Selena Gomez and her 3 friends try to figure out who the flying bitchfuck 'A' is… And as for Aria, she has a thing for smart guys first Justin on and off screen and now !

"I'd throw a strike."

"And risk having them get a hit?"

"Well I figure if I throw something not in their range, they won't swing and I just let them walk, but if I throw a strike they can swing, but it I throw a good enough strike, they'll miss and I get the strikeout."

"Congratulations Michelle Torres you just won a game."

**I'll dedicate this chapter to my baby daddy camihere! Can y'all go tell her I refuse to name our kids Alice, Marina, and Lucas and also the names Carter Taysen, Aaliyah Rihanna, and Tre Devaughn are better! Love you baby. Now off to go figure out what Macaulay Culkin's contact info is because now that him and Mila Kunis have broken up, I figured out a new way to reboost his career… HOME ALONE 5: THE BREAK UP! REVIEWS Y'ALL THEY INSPIRE ME TO WRITE FASTER!**


	9. YELLOW

**A/N: HI BITCHES! New update since my girls are over and we're in outerspace drinking, we've been dancing to Jeremih & 50 cent's song, which is my current obsession "Down on me" Seriously who doesn't wanna just break someone off when that song comes on… I feel like we just had an orgy the way we we're dancing up on each other… **_**I love the way you grind with that booty on me. Shorty you a dime, why you looking lonely. We'll buy another round and it's all on me, as long as I'm around, put it down on me. Put it down on me, down, down on me. Don't throw it off the mound, show me how it's gon be. Girl all I really want is you down on me. Put it down on me.**_** AHHH! How does that song not get you hyped and ready to dance? I love it! So my next lap dance song! Ahahaha part of this is based off a conversation with this guy.**

**LEATHERnGOLDlover:** Nice house parties are always dope… last one tho we got shotguns out in our faces from the cops… anyways thnx for the review lover.

**Greatpretender27:** Mila is a GOD! Dude that's so awesome that you love baseball too! AWW man we should totally hang and play! Mariners do suck, I'm from the city of the champs! And Yes Yankees suck! Thnx babe.

**Fly like a Gmen:** DUDE UR A BOSS LIKE CODY ROSS! OMG THAT WAS ME AND MY GIRLS ANTHEM DURING THE WORLD SERIES GAMES! You're fucking off the hook for your name! SF GIANTS BABY! Yeah Bieber and Selena are no bueno! No I didn't know I was amazeballs. I always thought I was amazedicks!

**Ad3n:** You got it dude (Michelle Tanner voice)! Dude baseball's awesome! Give it a shot! LOL… we'll see what's mysterious about the glove soon… I think… maybe… I just blow and think of ideas then. Thnx for the review boo.

**Camihere:** Baseball's awesome! I don't wanna learn soccer… baseball is the All-American sport! And if it's soccer, I gotta go for… you're gonna be pissed… Spain! Don't yell at me I'm part Spanish I gotta go for them! Shut it Brazilian! Of course I rock… you're bed… ahahaha JK love you baby!

**Not a belieber: **Yeah she's complicated… Avril Lavigne would not like her. Thanx I've always wanted to be epic O.o …. So this is what it feels like… AHHH! Yeah def. no on Sel and Biebs knocking boots…

**Mell23: **Thanx hunn YOU'RE awesome! This chapter might confuse you as well… do you want it to be a sibling died?

**Full360-2b-me:** Aww yeah go on with ur bad self mamas! ROCKSTAR LIFESTYLE! She doesn't play softball, she's an admire-er of the sport. Hell yes for rollercoasters… HANDS UP EVERYONE! Just don't be drunk… shit I wish Sel was my girl, I'd ditch my hoes inna minute… yeah screw Biebs.

**RiddleMeThisBatman: **DUDE YOU ARE THE FUCKING SHIT AND THE PISS! Awesome you knew the Half Baked reference! Awesome movie! Aww shit don't get me started on my rapping skillz babe, I will go 8 mile on a Papa Doc muthafucka! Ahahaha AWWW I LOVE YOU FOR KNOWING THAT!

**Azrael-Haywood:** Nice! What's up in New Zealand? Aww how could I not update soon with that cute little pout and sexy eyes? Here you are babe!

**This chapter is dedicated to my lil breath of fresh air Papacito! LUUUHHHH UUUU PAPI!**

(Mitchie POV)

O yeah bitchfuck it's lunch time! Meaning is Mitchie's daily dose of Alex time… speaking of Alex where the infant rhinoceros is that sexy piece of ass?...

"Dude Alex isn't here." What the mutherfreak fuck Troy, people need to stop pointing shit out, out loud. I'm not the one pointing out that you we're just seen at Vanessa's house even though y'all supposedly broke up.

"O really, hadn't noticed."

"Yeah, sure quit pulling my dick Mitchie, we know you're looking for her." Did this muthsuckin horsefucker just say I was doing something to his dick, honey my gag reflex is short.

"Well you know, anorexia is becoming an issue these days and uhh… I just wanted to make sure she was eating and not on like a ballerina diet and yeah… 'cause you know she's looking skinny, like if we checked her in at the airport, we'd probably have to put a fragile sticker on her." WTF did I just say? O fuck he's looking at me like 'What the fuck are you smoking?' and Shane's looking at me like 'Where the fuck can I get some?'

"Dude what the fuck are you talking about, anyways, she's here but she's with Taylor, I think Taylor's sad about her break up with Jake so, they're probably fucking."

"WHAT!" I will Kanye that hoe faster than you can say Swift.

"Ahahaha dude you should've seen the look on your face. I'm just fucking with you, there probably just having one of their talks, you know girl BFF bullshit. Taylor's probably bitching about Jake or something." I don't know what she's bitching about he kind of looked like a broke back cowboy. Plus let's face it Taylor looks like she's looking for Prince Charming not the Prince of Persia. Great here comes The Scene.

"Hey do you guys know where Alex is, we run a new song by her." Geez do these guys even go to this school, WTF.

"No, sorry."

"Cool thanx." Great . O fuck is that Mr. Iglesias coming this way. I swear on flaming dragon balls, I didn't cheat on my Spanish test. O he better not be trying to Baila with my senorita.

"Hey Mitchie, have you seen Alex around?" Eww WTF dude you're a teacher, puto.

"No I haven't sorry Mr. Iglesias." But I will now be checking out .gov. thanx.

"Alright thanks anyways Mitchie." Sure creep. O hell no, who the fuck is this now, this kid with the neck twitch.

"Hey Justin."

"Hey Mitchie do you know when Alex is gonna get here?" No, do you know when you're puberty might hit? Go somewhere else kid, Alex would be better off with me, my twitter followers wouldn't send her death threats.

"Nope, no idea, sorry." Yeah and if I even see her glance at you tonight at the People's Choice Awards I will hunt you down and then you better Pray.

"Alright well see ya around." Damn I should have told him to Teach Me How to Dougie before that. Fuck. O well maybe my Camp Rock mom could teach it to me.

"Hey Mitchie-"

"I DON'T KNOW, ASK TAYLOR!" O shitfuck! Where did that come from? Jizzbucket everyone's looking at me like I just yelled out Carter should be homecoming princess. Monkeyfucker…

"Yo Mitch, what the fuck was that? I was just gonna ask if you we're gonna finish your fries." Shit Nate, where the fuck did you come from? I thought you were still with the Administration.

"Yeah, sure go head."

"So dude we heard Alex took you to play baseball."

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"So what's up dude, did you hit a homerun?" WTF assholes I'm a lesbian, not a dude. I'm still a female and I'm not going to degrade another female with this macho bullshit. But, that bitch can get it anytime she wants. Sexy little piece of Latina heat.

"What? No we just talked and stuff." But the night before I drank that bitch.

"Dude you're so in. What's your next move? Dude you actually have a shot at her! We didn't even know she's into baseball, I mean we knew she was good with bats but we didn't know she was good with balls too." Shut the flying pigfuck up Shane. Do you even know where you are right now?

"I don't know, what should I do?"

"Dude come on think. You're a girl, you should know what girls want, just think what you would want." Waffles with whip cream served on Alex's tight body followed by crazy monkey morning sex followed by a fruit roll up?

"Maybe I'll get her flowers after school. Do you guys know what her favorite flower is?" Why the fuck are they smiling at me all creepy like I just walked into the men's bathroom.

"I don't know, why don't you ask Taylor ahahaha." Doucheslore fucks… what assholes… Hold me back…

"O what Mitchie, do you think Taylor's infringing on your Lesbian relationship with Alex? Ahahahaha…" Fuck you, you little tree huggin ass Nate. At least I didn't go to my ex's hometown for New Year's to find out she's out on some yacht with her underage boyfriend. BELIEB THAT!

Fuck Alex better like these bitchhole flowers. That old lady told me nobody can resist yellow roses, I swear if that woman is wrong I will run up in there and bend all the stems on her flowers… then what ya gonna do?

"Hey Mitchie, what are you doing here?" I came to eat *wink* "Why are you winking?" fuck was I actually winking I thought it was one of those times I was just thinking it but didn't actually do it… son of a cunt.

"O I thought I had something in my eye, uhm so you weren't at school today, so I thought maybe I'd bring you some flowers to cheer you up." Boom, I can lie!

"You thought I was sick? Uh huh so why flowers? Why not soup?" Damn obviously this bitch isn't Rihanna and she doesn't love the way I lie.

"Well soup doesn't make you smile, flowers do. So I thought a smile is the first step to feeling better." O yeah she's smiling HOOK, LINE & SINKER! That's right Mitchie reel her in…

"Smooth, so how'd you know yellow roses are my favorite?" Yes they are O hell yes old florist lady, I'm gonna get laid, I should hook her up with gramps!

"I saw them and thought of you."

"Nice so what else do you see and think of me?" My hand inching it's way closer to my Victoria Secret's.

"Anytime I see something beautiful. So why weren't you at school?" Bitch you already know, but she doesn't know that… O good job Mitchie using your noggin, don't tell Disney I said that.

"O me and Taylor were just talking, her and Jake broke up. But knowing Taylor she'll be fine, she'll just write a song or something about him and get it all out and then she'll be fine." Yeah she should get payback and get with his brother, that Peter Parker looking dude.

"O I see, so what are you doing now?" Please say Kama Sutra! Come on what's the square root of 69… ATE SOMETHING!... I thought it was good…

"Just hanging out, about to watch the People's Choice Awards, what's up you wanna come in, and yell and bitch with me about who won and who should've won." Aww she's so adorable… hmm… do I wanna stay and watch her get worked up about the show and at the same time watch Selena Gomez and the Scene perform… hell fucking yes!

"Sure I'm not doing anything." Not yet anyways…

"Look yay! Taylor Swift won!" O course she's gonna win, has she ever lost? Well at least this time her speech didn't get cut off, he didn't even let her finish like he said he would.

"That's awesome!" The only reason I don't mind is because lil Sel and lil Lena are just as happy as their momma is bouncing around in family filled fun on this bed.

"So who do you think is gonna win Best Breakout artist? I want Selena Gomez and the Scene to win!" Of course, I hope Demi's watching.

"I don't know Bruno Mars is pretty good."

"Are you saying you'd rather have Bruno Mars win?" Shit she looks offended like I just said well someone looks awfully tan, probably from laying around on that fucking dicksucking yacht in the Caribbean.

"I'm just saying who else would catch a grenade for me?"

"You're such a dork. Well as long as it's not Bieber."

"You don't have Bieber Fever?"

"He's adorable, like little brother adorable, not like I'd date you." Mmm hmm heard that before.

"So have you ever been in love?" Where the fuck did that come from? Bitch rewind, rewind… ugh wrong time for my powers not to be working…

"Of course I'm in love constantly."

"Constantly?"

"Yeah, there's always something to love in the world. There's something I love about everyone. Love is all around us. Love doesn't leave people out, people leave love it, it's not something you go looking for because you can't see it, it's not tangable, but being in love is different, being in love requires you to not be afraid to fall without a safety net."

"So if I'm not looking I'll find it?"

"Yeah, know why? Falling is the result of not looking. Love is blind, Michelle." Well in that case no staring contest starting now! "We all fuck up in life and we're all unsure but fucking up only shows you how to get it right and being unsure only shows you what a sure thing is. Love is undefined, it's like the word perfect, everyone has their own definition of what perfect is, you just have to find that one person who's definition of perfect is you." Wait has she said yet if she's ever been in love yet, I'm confused as Demi Lovato wondering why Ashley was with them on tour, when she wasn't a part of it.

"You know what I love about you…" Fuck where am I going with this? "Because you have this fuck it attitude about you, it's not because you don't care, it's because you realize there's other shit to care about than being stuck on one idea, that'll eventually get solved." Aww yeah! Bitches and hoes Mitchie ain't so stupid now is she? Go girl!

I don't know what I said but the next thing I knew her lips we're on mine and holy dickhair we're they nice and plump… open up I'm diving my tongue in you… my tongue's so long I can dial with it if I hold my cell between my ear and shoulder… mmm fuck… this shirt needs to come off. WTF is this a Power Rangers shirt she has on? I'm about to go go Power Rangers her ass! IT'S MUTHAFUCKIN MORPHIN'TIME HOE! O yeah give same space and let me just rip this little ranger up…

"OMG Michelle you ripped my necklace off!" Fuck you materialistic sloreshit…

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'll buy you a new one." Fuck she was a Power ranger just a second ago now this bitch has turned into a fucking Transformer. Where's Megan Fox because it's a fucking slip and slide down there.

"You can't just buy memories Michelle. Get out." O hell no I am not Jazz you can't just Uncle Phil my ass and tell me to leave your house.

"I'm sorry Lexy."

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER CALL ME LEXY AGAIN! GET OUT!" Well fuck you ain't gotta tell me twice…

WHAT THE SKITLLE JIZZLE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

**CONGRATS TO SELENA GOMEZ ON HER PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD!REVIEW HOES! I LOVE YOU LITTLE FUCKTARDS!**


	10. LOOK MAY NO HANDS

**A/N: Hey Hey Hey bitches! Can I just tell y'all how much I love you guys! You're reviews all crack me up and make a cheesy smile on my face appear when I get the alert on my phone saying I got a new review, and my friend's look at me as if I'm cupcaking on the phone with some dude or chick. Can't believe you guys actually like this story, in all reality this is just how I talk. LenoraWinsdale and I were talking about if you guys have ever had a conversation with me over the phone or in person, this is just how I talk… except unlike Mitchie who says everything in her head I say it aloud.**

**Mell23: **Yeah Alex is a fucker upper… glad you're liking it… I don't mind suggestions though… so if you got any, just throw 'em at me… not literally though… thanx babycakes

**Fly like a Gmen: **Of course u like Posey, he's the new Golden child! Honestly I am madd in love with Huff or as I call him Huff Daddy, got my rally thong and everything! I would so rape him! Yeah Beliebers be crazy with the death tweets. Yeah Selena def had a Jersey Shore tan going on. AHAHAHHAHAA TORTURE! Dude you are too awesome! Fear the beard dude.

**Greatpretender27: **It's alright sweetheart, I'll make you a superstar. We can go play together, I'll help you out ;)… ahahaha you are on it with everything about Selena! Down to the promise ring ahahaha. Katy's tweet was awesome. I favorited that! It's funny how when I read it I thought only dirty thoughts. Thanx buttercup.

**Ad3n: **hmm… it could possibly belong to the same person, or maybe there isn't a person at all =P…. you have a boyfriend, you have to somewhat be good with bats and balls, you have kept him around for 5 years ;) GET IT GIRL! We can play catch and then I'll show you how to hit it right ;) …. Ahahaha,did you want to sound sexual? Ahaha thnx hunn.

**Camihere: ** Hi girlfriend! Hey don't get mad at Alex for holding onto memories, why're you hung up on your wallet then? Huh? Ahahaha JK Love you babe, and I need the card to go shopping… and stop drinking, the kid is crying because their father is a raging alcoholic! MUAH =*, I'm horny, come over!

**LEATHERnGOLDlover: **Dude what didn't happen at my house party? Ahahha wild indeed ;)… Yeah Selena and Taylor are awesome! Baby I make wishes come true, what did you want? Ahahaha… I think I updated soon enough, so what's my treat? Aahaha YOU want the lap dance, we can arrange that. I'll be clubbing all this week so if you catch me, I got you. ;)

**Full360-2b-me: **Memories aren't stupid, you're stupid, you cold hearted bitch! JK Ahahahaha… maybe she's holding on to her twin brother who passed away… maybe ;) you'll see… ahahhaa thanx hoe!

**143: **Aww I'm glad you're enjoyinh it hunny bunny. O you know Alex she's Hot & Cold… Katy Perry syndrome I think… thanx love.

**Oh-hell-no: **Happy New Year babe! Yeah I will not stop making fun of him on here until they stop dating… yup… If Justin hurts her I'm going axe murderer on his ass and I'm gonna spoon swag all over his face! Yeah these lil bopper hoes are getting crazy, acting as if Demi and Selena aren't top hoes and Bieber and the Jonas' could do any better. Yup they're both winners with loser boyfriends. Thanx sweetie.

**Nvrshoutnvr:** If by lady balls you mean her tits, I hope she doesn't calm em down, in fact I hope she keeps em excited! Ahahaha Thnx for the review babe.

**RiddleMeThisBatman:** DUDE you are my other half! LET ME GET A POUND OF YOUR SWEETEST CHEEBA! Ahahhaa love sir smoke-a-lot! Top 3 favorite shows high… ready … Family Guy, 70's show and Rob Dyrdrek's Fantasy Factory! Sure I can do a rap for Demena… did you want me to have Selena go Eminem on Papa Doc on Demi, or I can do Drake's style of rapping… your choice babygirl… thnx babe!

**yyAnonymousyy:** Ahahha finally someone who realizes my genius! God where the flying unicorn ball shits have you been? Dude you talk just like me, well from what you reviewed! Awesome twin! Thanx sweetness.

**Azrael-Heywood:** Thanx for loving this story hunn. Dude I wanna go to New Zealand! It's winter here! Come up and keep me warm ;) thanx babes!

**MiSzOCh0A: ** well right back at ya babe.

(MItchie's POV)

How did I sleep?... Hmm let's see Alex totally flipped on me for a necklace… Are you fucking kidding me, a necklace! The last bitch who went off on me like that, it was because I punched her in the face at the airport, that I could see why you'd be mad. But a necklace, I told her I'd even replace that bitchhole necklace. But no! She was like get the fuck out and don't call me Lexy, well shitjizm don't you just make a bitch wanna go to rehab. What did Bieber give you that necklace or something, what's so special about it? It was like one of those Visa moments… Roses $40, gas to get around $20, the look on my face when you stop sex for a broken necklace, priceless.

"Hey Mitch." What the fuck monkeys… Nate this is the fucking girl's bathroom. OMG I knew you had a pussy.

"Nate? What are you doing in the girl's bathroom?"

"The dude's bathroom doesn't have mirrors, had to check my hair." Well someone was just busted being girly.

"That's not creepy at all."

"Neither is you writing Mrs. Russo in your notebook." Son of a bitchhole how does he know about those… yeah well at least I don't get back with the same ex-girlfriends over and over, at this rate you're gonna be the only single one out of your brothers, o wait you are, assfuck. "What are we still in middle school Mitch?" O shut up and go do Broadway you little skittle bitch… why are you a skittle? Because you're so gay you can taste the rainbow…

"What, no, that was, I was going to write a letter to Alex's mom… because I accidently hit their mailbox with my car the other day."

"Yeah nice try, Alex doesn't have a mailbox, she just has a slot at her door. Come on let's go meet everyone for lunch before you tell me you accidently killed her dog that was secretly a dragon." WTF what kind of dickhole buffoonery is a dragon dog? Who would think of that? Pothead.

"Yo dudes where you guys been?" Not playing baseball with our dead brothers… that's where Troy.

"O I saw Mitchie drop her notebook so I went and gave her a hand."

"So uhm, where's Alex?" Damn I bet you this chick does the finger to the back of the throat bent over the toilet boil with her hair tied back diet, she's never at cuntbastard lunch.

"I don't know, why don't you ask Taylor haha." Fucking cum stain cunt. You make one little outburst and people just repeatedly bring that shit up! I am not a hater!

"You guys are a real piece of work, so uhm Taylor do you know where Alex is?" The last I saw her you two were in the back of a car looking surprised as hell.

"O she didn't come to school today, not sure why though."

"Dude didn't you go to her house yesterday?" O you mean when she turned all Chris Brown on me and I thought my life was in deep shit… she was raining down on me and I didn't have an umbrella ella ella ay…

"O yeah, she seemed a little different yesterday." And by different I mean she went from Alex Russo to that pop diva Mikayla and she went from nice to calling me a has been bottle blonde bra stuffer.

"O well I'm sure she's fine, probably just having a bad day. Did anything happen yesterday?" What the starburst penetrator Gabby why would you assume something went wrong. Figgity fuckhole I just wanna Sucker Punch your mutt ass.

"Uhm no, just her necklace broke." It's not like it was some magical glow in the dark love necklace given to her from some werewolf.

"Which necklace? The one she always wears and never takes off?" O sure Taylor just rub it in my face, you don't see me dangling a picture of Joe Jonas & Camilla Belle in your face. Geez what a way of seeing someone on fire and instead of throwing your water bottle on them you decide it'd be better to just piss on them.

"Uhm, kind of… well… what had happened was…"

"No what needs to happen is, you need to replace it, I think that was like her favorite necklace." Well vaginawhore Taylor how would you like it if I just cut you off and said 'Wait, I'mma let you finish, it's just…' geez toast to the douchebags…

"OK I'm sure I can figure something out." Hmm… replace the necklace… lots of money… Macaroni frame with my picture in it… thoughtful and handmade… hmm

"Hey guys what's the difference between jelly and jam?" WTF Shane what are you fucking smoking …

"What?"

"I can't jelly my dick down your throat!" Eww what the fuck Shane! Is this because people keep asking if you're gay?

"Shane you are such a perv!" That's right Gabby you tell 'em, your boyfriend would never say some repulsive shit like that, no he would skip his basketball game to be a fruitcake and sing with you.

"Hey I just heard it from someone OK!" Yeah was it the same someone who told you that wearing round glasses and a bandana made you look more hip?

After school I decide to go to my house and think of something to make it up to Alex… O bitchcunt hoarsefuck my insane assfuck mother is home… let's see how I can avoid this… last time she made me help in the kitchen I fell and ended up with flower all over me… UGH… shit's she's looking at me…

"Hey honey, how was school?" O well that almost sounded so Disney mom of her to say…

"It was alright… OK well I gotta go to my room and grab something and then I'm leaving."

"Well, where you going?" Geez lady I'm not all up in your pasta bowl…

"I just gotta go take care of something mom!" Shit Mitchie why did you yell? Great, now she's looking at you like she's gonna deport your ass to Costa Luna or something.

"Alright Mitchie, what did you do? Or what dumbass thing is it that you're about to do?" Ahh, there goes mommy dearest…

"Nothing it's just I accidently broke this girl's necklace." Was it my fault I was just trying to rip her shirt off for her, lil Lena and lil Sel looked like they were suffocating and needed a breather.

"What the fuck Mitchie! Great, now we're going to have to replace it. What the fuck we're you doing that you accidently broke some girl's necklace?"

"I WAS TRYNA GET MY DICK WET!" Holy bitchhole cunt whore! O shit too much gangsta rap and not enough country music Mitchie…

"Mitchie what the fuck are you talking about you don't have a dick! I know you like holes not poles and you're all Adam & Steve and Alice & Eve, but you do not have a dick." Well shitjizzle bitch, you just lost your chance to not be put in a home when your ass is all old and wrinkly.

"No mom, I you didn't hear me right I said I was just trying to get it out of her hair net, when she was uhm… helping the lunch lady, yeah."

"O is that what you said honey, sorry, you know I was on the freeway and this bastard hag was honking their horn at me for like 10 minutes straight… it's like 'Hey buddy, you don't own the road! I'll stay at a stop light as long as I want until I find that song on my iPod, so I guess my hearings still acting up from that." Hey, she was the idiot taking forever at the stop light? Stupid cuntfucker…

"Yeah OK mom I gotta go look for something, nice talk… bitch got some issues…"

"What was that Mitchie?"

"Huh o, nothing I said I got a big itch and hey! Are those new shoes?"

"Actually…" O for heaven's sake why can't I escape this woman…

"O well can't talk about it now, gotta go mom." Run Mitchie run as fast as you can, run as if Selena Gomez was waiting for you in your room in nothing but that 2 piece blue bikini… minus the fag with the purple 3D swag glasses… run like you're Forrest!

I know just what to give her, the chain off my necklace that my mom got me while she was working with that recording company in China… yeah that'll work. Bitch better like it too, this necklace means a lot to me, I wore this bitch during my first performance. I can't believe I'm even giving it to this girl when she won't even give me any. Jewelry is for hot bitches that put out, otherwise here's a thank you card and a stick of double mint… go double your pleasure bitchslut.

"Hello." Holy jizzmonkey she looks just like my mom.

"O hi uhm, Mrs. Russo I'm one of Alex's friends, I was wondering if she was home." There ya go Torres, there goes them manners, surprisingly enough, you for sure didn't get that from your mama.

"O yeah she is, but I don't think she wants to see anyone right now sweetie." Aww you may look like my mom, but you certainly do not act like her. If it was her she'd probably say some bullshit like 'O yeah go on up, go find out why she's being such a emo wreck and locking herself in her room for mold to just grow around her body, it's probably some bitch, I have no idea why she's a lesbian, bitches can be such big headache sometimes.' And that is why she is mommy of the year.

"O well Mrs. Russo I have something I really need to give to her, please."

"Ok sure honey, but if she asks, I didn't go down without a fight."

"Thanks Mrs. Russo, it really means a lot to me." O well, would you look at this pleasant child, looks like mommy taught you right, and by that I mean do everything opposite of what she does.

"Sure, she's up in her room, go right on ahead." Shit I wish mommy would let hot bitches just go right on ahead to my room. If you're asking if I just called myself a hot bitch, I'll let you be the judge of that ;) *swaying my hips as I walk away* o yeah, get it girl!

OK time to get ready to be slapped right across the face. Please don't be angry, and please possibly be lying there in all your naked glory while flipping thru porn and eating grapes, the purple ones not the green ones.

"Michelle, what are you doing here? You come to break my bracelet too?" Hellos have gotten so crazy these days. What ever happened to 'Hey, how you been. I just made my bed, wanna unmake it with me?... naked'

"Look Alex I'm really sorry, I mean it, I didn't mean to break your necklace, I guess I just got ahead of myself, but I brought you something."

"Michelle, look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get angry with you. It's just that necklace meant a lot to me, it's fine. It's stupid to try and hold on to certain memories with objects. Just because something disappears it doesn't mean the memory's gone." Babe you can just hold onto me, I'll never disappear.

"It's OK Alex, uhm here I brought you something. I know it's not your chain, but maybe you can use it for your pendant." I ain't saying she a gold-digger…

"What is this Michelle?" Obviously it's a nice gold chain…

"It's a chain for you, it was mine but I figured you could have it. It's my lucky chain that my mom got me, I wore it to my very first performance."

"I can't take this Michelle, it's too valuable to you." O you weren't concerned with taking my heart away… Aztec bitch…

"No take it, I want you to have it." Seriously bitch just take it… I hate when people play this game of, 'O no, I can't take that, that's too much' when secretly bitch you know you want it. It's like when someone offer's to pick up the check you say no but secretly you're like fuck yes, I should've ordered more.

"And why do you want me to have it?" Because your sex face is amazing!

"Well because, it's important to me and so are you… uhm… and because I uhm… I love you." O shit no, dammit Mitchie! You had to go there…

"What did you just say? You can't mean that. No Michelle you can't love me." O hell no you're not just gonna walk away from me, you wanna be dramatic fine! Let's be dramatic o hell yes I grabbed your arm…

"But I do Alex I love you." It does feel good to actually mean what you say… hmm I should try it more often…

"NO! MITCHIE STOP SAYING THAT! AND STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE ME THAT LOOK!" OMG how was I looking at her? We're my eyes turning all black? That's not a vampire sweetheart that's lust…

"Alex what are you talking about?" If anyone knows please let me know my number is 415****** like I'd give it out that easy… sober.

"Mitchie just go!" 2x in 2 days… even people on the Real World don't get kicked out this easy!

"Alex I'm telling you I love you, and you're kicking me out?"

"Well I don't love you." Mmm hmm heard that… wish I didn't hear that… but I heard that.

"Alex, please just look at me… I honestly love you." Come on I added honestly in there, you gotta know I'm serious.

"STOP SAYING THAT AND STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!" O fuckhole bitchness she's crying, I can't take hot girls crying… unless they're in a white tank top and they cry enough to turn it into a wet t-shirt contest. So what do you do if a hot girl is crying in front of you? Duh you pull her in and caress her back, until she gives you that OK smile and is ready to fuck.

"Shh… it's OK Alex, please I'm here for you, you can tell me anything. I promise nothing will change my opinion of you." Unless you told me you're a hermaphrodite cheerleader like Rachel.

"OK Michelle, you wanna know who I am"

**Alright bitches… I'll dedicate this chapter to RiddleMeThisBatman! Woo! Only b/c you are one down ass bitch! How's getting skyhigh, dinner, some drinks and some movie cuddling sound? I'll even let you feel my heartbeat ;) hmm wonder where I got that from! Xoxo… REVIEW! And for those of you that do you guys are the reason I keep up with my updates =)… whoever my 100****th**** reviewer is I'll send you a naked pic ahahaha JK… maybe *eyebrow raise* that or I let you decide what you want a chapter to be about! Wink wink, nudge nudge, tickle tickle, break the pickle! Kay off to meet my girls!**


	11. double trouble

**A/N: Yo yo yo hoes! Sorry for not updating more lately I been piss drunk everyday and then I had dates and stuff… Dude I was on a date and legit one of the construction workers opened the door to ask a question and we were fucking 69ing… I swear that was the oddest thing in the world… like bitch you're back early from your lunch break… anyways love you guys for always reviewing you guys are the shit! **

**0A:** a dragon dog would be awesome… I just want a pet skunk I can name skittle jizzle… thanx for the review booboo…

**Jaredx03: **I love you. No really. Ok so maybe I love the reviewer you! Thanx for supporting both my stories babe! Yeah Mitchie's a fucktard! Love it thanx for the review babe.

**LEATHERnGOLDlover: **depends… what's your wish? Ahaha well heres a [[free lapdance pass from LEATHERnGOLD]] that you can have for if I ever see you ahaha. Thanc for the review hunn.

**Fly like a Gmen:** No one knows what's going on in my head… well usually it's something perverted or high thoughts… ahahaha… Hell yeah girl! Huff daddy is my future ex-husband!

**Greatpretender27:** Hell yeah I'm updated… no really it's only b/c I find everything out thru my twitter ahahaha…well this chap shows you what I was going for ahaha thanx sweetie.

**Full360-2b-me:** Dude how do you NOT come up with this shit! Ahaha no it's because in middle school when we we're learning about Aztecs everyone thought it'd be funny in our group's presentation if I be the bitch that gets sacrificed ahaha… thanx hunnbunn…

**Ad3n: **Girl I don't know what to tell you about that b/c I love the dick! I like girls too but that's because their head game is usually crazy and they're rougher but yeah… ahaha I love men and women… my dream is to be in a threesome with Mila Kunis and Andrew Garfield! Ahahaha thanx for the review love.

**yyAnonymousyy:** Yeah trust when I went to school, no one in any of my classes got shit done or got in trouble with me b/c I'd always blurt dumb shit out, but teachers liked me so they'd just joke with me too… and then I smooth talked some of em into letting us get free days and bullshit in class. Sure we can talk… just hit me up babe.

**Mell23: **I LOVE you more sweetheart! You're such a loyal reviewer… I hope you enjoy this chapter doll!

**Camihere: **Girlfriend, I'm horny, pull your panties down! And by the way YOU don't own ME! YOU are MY bitch! Got me camcambanam? Don't worry I'm pretty sure I haven't cheated on you with another Brazilian… I know how to get u a lot of other things besides just curious babe ;)… LOVE YOU CAMCAMBANAM BBAAAAMMMM!

**Everythingurnot: **Actually sweetheart you were the 100th reviewer! WOOT! WOOT! PULL UR PANTIES DOWN! Ahahha… I'm glad I could make your day So since you're the 100th reviewer, what'd ya want?

**Thatgirlkatie: **aww thanx and I completely love u!

**143:** Yeah I lie yelling that out randomly! OOO I see what you did there… ahahhaa love you too… thanx sweetie…

**RiddleMeThisBatman: **DUDE I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! Ahahaha dude Cudi is the shit! T.G.I.F is one of the dopest songs ever! I love that joint by him! Top 3 favorite new rappers out right now go… B.O.B, , Wiz Khalifa… ahahha let's get to cuddling babe… when's our date? And I'll let you feel other things besides my heartbeat ahahahaha…

**Azrael-Heywood:** Aww I'm sorry you missed being the 100th reviewer ahahhaha… so are you saying you don't have any clothes on right now? Say yes… ahahaha I'd love for you to ccome cuddle with me and break in my headboard…wait…what… ahahaha thanx babe…

**DemenaJackson: **Sure I'll pimp slap you… bend over… ahahahaha… well I hope this is dynamite enough for baby… thanx…

**-Ding- Welcome to Hell.: ** Ahahaha I'm glad you're enjoying this story hunny… that's all I want is to spread some laughs… ahahaha… you definitely get to see why Alex is the way she is in this chapter enjoy boo.

(Mitchie POV)

Holy skittle jizzle… I've seen this shit in movies before. She giving me that look when someone's about to reveal some crazy mess like they're a serial killer or OH MY GOSH she's 'A' from Pretty Little Liars or son of a muthabitch she's gonna tell me she's really Mikayla the pop diva! No she can't be Alex has a mole on her cleavage, Mikayla doesn't. Yes, this is how I recognize people, by their 'stimulus package'. It's also how I know that nude picture of Selena Gomez was fake. A little sad but at least I have a visual now. OMG could it be? I just found Carmen Sandiego. Shitfuck please don't be a Bieber fan!

"Uhh…" Great. You've been playing Sherlock Homie around this chick and now that she offers to tell you something about herself you blank out. Muthabitchin light bulb! I figured it out! She's a princess from some random island that's not on most maps!

"After I tell you this though, just leave me alone." What the flying hippopotamus ass kind of choice is that? What ever happened to 'Do you want a boy toy or a girl toy?'?

"It can't be that bad that I have to stay away from you. Why don't you just let me be the judge of that?" Yeah where's my dickhole gavel. Silence in the court! But keep talking.

"Because after what I tell you, you'll just want to stay away from me." I OBJECT! But I'll stay away from CPK's from now on, in fear I'll run into Selena Gomez having dinner with Justin Beiber, that'll really test my gag reflex.

"Alex, let me decide." Yeah you're pissing off the judge.

"Fine, you wanna know why you should stay away from me, because Michelle, I'm a murderer." Fuck I wish I was a bounty hunter!

"What? Alex are you OK? What do you mean you're a murderer?" O bitchfuck she murdered that dumbass who hacked her Facebook and Twitter! For sure whoever it was, was not a Belieiber.

"Just what I said Michelle, I'm a murderer. Everyone that I end up with and love, I kill." What the racoonfucker, she's serious right now like she's doing a commercial for UNICEF.

"Alex, h-how? What do you mean? You can't possibly have killed someone." I give myself props for actually still sitting here. If it were any other person to tell me some shit like that I would've been running out the house by now screaming 'BITCH GOTTA GUN!' at the top of my lungs. It's really an accomplishment, I was hanging out with this girl one time and all of a sudden this guy suddenly burst thru the door in a mask and I jumped and screamed 'Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hid yo husband, 'cause they rapin' everybody out here!' turns out it was her brother coming back after his hockey game.

"But I did, my boyfriend and my girlfriend died because of me." Problem solved, we'll get married that way I won't be your girlfriend, I'll be your wife.

"Alex, you possible couldn't have killed them willingly." I hate talking to killers, I always feel like they're going to kill me.

"It's like I have a curse, anyone I love, dies. First Dallas and then Cory." Wait Cory as in the same Cory Taylor dated? What's with these two and sharing boyfriends first Taylor now Cory.

"How Alex? How did it happen?" OMG if I get pistol whipped I will pass out slightly turned on! Dude what if she's like Angelina Jolie and can curve the bullet. Shit that would be so cool! She would so put the ass in assassin.

"Uhm Dallas she was older than me. She was a senior, cheerleader, and had just gotten accepted in to Stanford and everyone loved her. They decided to throw her a celebration party so she got wasted and said she didn't want to go to the party because she didn't want to go to Stanford. She said she didn't want to be that far from me. But I wasn't having it, I wanted her to go, Stanford was a dream for her, so I dragged her to the party and as we got out the car I grabbed her arm trying to drag her across the street and we started arguing and she pulled away from me and when she did she stumbled onto the street and was hit by a car. Then I started finding comfort in this guy named Cory who really helped me thru a lot, he was the first person to not give me _that_ _look_ after what happened… again he was older, he was playing football for the University, star athlete, they we're saying he was going to make it pro, he had a great personality and was an amazing team leader. One game the ball was snapped and he searched the field and right before he was about to throw the ball, he turned his head to the bleachers to smile at me, and right when he did he got tackled by the other team snapping his neck in the process. Two people I loved died right in front of my face. And it's all my fault." Shiggity fucktard she's crying. I can't take crying girls. Shit we just went thru this… well at least I'll have an awesome Facebook status 'Just hugged a killer. What? Because real G's move in silence like lasagna.'

"Alex, those weren't your fault, sure you were there, but you didn't plan it. They were both accidents. Don't hold yourself accountable for accidents, you can't prevent accidents." This ain't StateFarm.

"No, if I would've never met them, that would have never happened. I'm cursed. Just stay away from me, it's never going to work."

"Says who? Alex you can't let two mistakes take over your life, you deserve happiness too. Alex you had nothing to do with that."

"It shouldn't have been them. They had too much going for them. Don't you see Michelle, you can't plan a future with someone like me. You won't have a future if you end up with me." Fuck that I want to stick around to see if Justin ends up building himself a robot fuck buddy.

"Alex, don't say that. Sure, things that weren't planned happen and change you, but it doesn't have to be for the bad. You have to give yourself a chance to live life. How can you do that when you're closed off to love? Love is such an important factor in people's lives." Look no one would have thought that you would still stay in touch with your ex best friend's older sister while she's in rehab, but apparently she listens to you while working out and takes you to the 'candy store'. Nor would we have imagined people would try to pass around that 'topless' photo of you as it really being you, let's be real if it was really you the pic would have been a lot more glamorous than that.

"I can't Michelle, I can't be responsible anymore for any more broken futures and dreams."

"Alex you're not responsible for it, you just happened to be there. You still have to continue the life you were put out here to have. I know they loved you and wouldn't want to see that you've given up because of them. Why don't you allow yourself to be something they're smiling about and proud of because I'm sure they wouldn't want to see you this way."

"Fuck off Michelle who are you to say what they would or would not want. I'm sure they didn't want their life ended early either. Don't stand here and tell me they're frowning down on me when you know nothing about the situation." She said that shit with so much venom dipping from her voice I thought I was in an over dramatic soap opera for a minute.

"Alex I'm not saying I know them. I just want you to be ok, you'll never move on from the pain if you keep holding on to it. Alex you have this amazing picture in front of you with thousands of pieces, don't let two missing puzzle pieces ruin the picture for you, it's still a pretty picture. You are an amazing person, why worry about something that's already happened and you can't change. All I'm saying is what's beating yourself up and not living your life doing to make that situation different? Alex you can't stop the rain from pouring and you can't stop the wind from blowing and you can't stop what has already happened but most of all you can't stop yourself from living." Man I should really command a suicide help line… I could just start off by greeting them with 'Thanks for calling the suicide help hotline, tell me what makes you want to turn the razor from horizontal to vertical today?'… I think someone's got a new calling…

"Look Michelle I appreciate you helping and everything but I just need some time to think… alone." How freaky would it be if Michael Jackson's 'You Are Not Alone' started playing right now? I'd be out of here faster than Nick Jonas out of a sugar factory. "I'll see you at school Michelle. I appreciate it. Thank you, I'm serious." Why so serious?...

"OK, but if you need me, just call me alright. I'm here for you." For anything, you need help showering, you need someone to cry on, you want some angry sex, not so angry sex, eating some strawberries and whip cream, shaving your lady grass, pap smear, breast checked, naked massaging, you fell and can't get up, need an alibi to why you can't go to the premiere of NEVERSAYNEVER which by the way had to be in 3D? I don't want to be in the theatre punching the air b/c I think he's right in front of me. Anything really topless photography, bottomless photography, naked car wash, salad tossin', carpet munchin', clit ticklin', titty twistin', cave explorin', some finger slip 'n slidin', deep sea divin'… basically anything.

"Sure, bye Michelle." Somehow in movies this is still the part where we fuck like two energizer bunnies with the rechargeable pack so we just keep on going… and going… and going… straight to Macy's for some new sheets…

"OK bye Alex, call me if anything."

What the flying leprechaun fornicator is that ringing… bitchcunt I was daydreaming again! None of it was real. Fuck I imagined this whole thing from me moving here to the party to sex with Alex to the confession in her house. Fuck figgity fucking fuck fuck with a baseball bat… none of it happened… stupid daydream in class… and there she is Alex Russo most popular girl of our school who has not once ever even shot me a glare. 4 years of going to school together and not once has she noticed me… fuck I'm pathetic… and me just sitting here dozing off in class having daydreams of an alternate world where Alex Russo actually knows me… suck my invisible 10 inch dry bitchhole!

HA-HA just kidding. How upset would you guys be if it were just a daydream? HA-HA no, but seriously it felt as if it was just some big stupid dickhole fantasy because ever since that confession in her room she's been avoiding me like I photo shopped that picture of her topless and spread it around, or like I'm the one who threw a water bottle at Bieber's head. What the skittle jizzle. But today I was going to find out! Bitch can't hide from me, I know where she goes to school, I know where she lives, I know what she drives… does that sound stalkerish? Good, it was meant to.

"Yo, Mitch we said are you rolling today?" What rolling what… I am not making you assholes pie…

"Huh?" Yeah I went there… mmm hmm…

"Dude to that kid's yacht party, what's up you down to go?" Not when that kid makes me sea sick. I see him and I get sick.

"Who's all going?"

"Dude if you mean is Alex going, I don't know, let's ask her… Yo Alex!" Great Shane you fucking douchecunt shouldn't you be at the vet with your vampire dog bitchstick.

"Hey what's up?" O sure to him you're all cheery and non-killer-like.

"You joining us at That Justin kid's yacht party?"

"Yeah I'll be there. Yacht party in January, fuck yeah."

"Yeah, that's my girl. We'll get fucked up for sure." Did he just say his girl? Fuck that hold me back… airport Mitchie coming thru…

"Hey Alex." You remember me? The girl you told who you killed last, last summer.

"Hey Michelle, anyways fellas, I'll see you guys there Taylor and I got something we gotta do." O what's that make glitter and sequin bikinis for today's yacht party. It'll be a party if you wear painted bikini's… no what edible bikini's… no wait you girls in edible bikini's serving tater tots… using your mouth… now that's my type of shindig.

Damn, I'll give it to you this lil Canadian girl, boy whatever… I'll just call him flipper from now on dedicated to that dumbass hair flip he does every 10 seconds… it's like every time I see him do it I'm secretly singing 'I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth' in my head. Now where the gummi bear fucktard is Alex… I haven't seen the kids in a while and I think lil Lena and lil Sel miss me. OH H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS NO! Is that lil Flipper hugged up on my Alex on this yacht… c'mon midget bitcher you have to tip-toe to kiss her cheek… she'd never go for that… she looks too good in heels to go out with this guy. Where the fuck are they going… O what the blue balls is his hand on her towel covered ass… alright little boy play time's over…

"Hey Alex can I talk to you please?"

"Sure. What's up Michelle having fun?" O don't you play coy killer…

"What's wrong? Why have you been avoiding me ever since, you know, you told me about what happened?" See how smooth I am I didn't even mention it really… from what I've seen is killer's get really touchy when you actually say what they did out loud.

"Look Michelle you should just stay away from me. No offense really, and besides I'm no one's sympathy case."

"Sympathy case? Alex what are you talking about?"

"Look you know now, I left Texas because I couldn't stand looking at all those people who when they saw me knew me as the girl with a dead boyfriend and girlfriend, and now, you're just another one of those people. Go have fun Michelle, I'm gonna do the same, after all this is living life right."

O figgity fuck no! Fine, you want me to have some fun, let's go bring on the alcohol. Next thing you know I feel like I'm in a Lil Jon music video… all I remember is everyone yelling SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS! EVERYBOD-AAYYY! And I'M FUCKED UP! YEEEAAAHHHH! I start stumbling trying to find a bitchhole bathroom in this mutha buttsucking yacht. I swear this room better have a stupid jizzle bathroom, times like this I wish I were a guy so I could just whip my shit out and piss in the water… OOO jackpot two hot bitches 69ing the fuck outta each other… live action porn… fuck a bathroom I'll take the UTI to watch this…

"Hey! C'mon perv, close the door." Hey isn't that the girl who's boyfriend tried to leave her for Alex… fuck who she bangin?... What the clittickler Alex!

"A-Alex?"

"Fuck Lexy baby it's one of your friends. Tell her to leave." O I know this hoe did not just go there OK blondie bring it!

"Michelle, get out. Close the door while you're at it."

"This isn't your house Alex you can't tell me to get out."

"I can't? Fine, suit yourself Michelle, enjoy the show." OK I was fine with this idea before I found out it was Alex…

"Alex come on… "

"Michelle get out and I'll talk to you later, I mean it, just go."

"Fine Alex, I'll go, I hope you have a good fuck."

**There ya go bitches! REVIEW PLEASE! I love you hoes! Tell me is you guys got any suggestions, comments, any questions, what's your favorite sex position, if there's any you think I should try out, how long your tongue is, is it pierced, can you shake it, roll it, dip it… LOVE Y'ALL**


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